.: Cath’s Blog:.

I went along with my friend Lou this morning to get her new tattoo. Two and a half hours later, her tattoo was finished, it looked amazing.

Her tattoo was from a paining by Rosaleen Norton called Binah which I think in Qabalah means (if my research is correct) Understanding and is represented in the form of a mature woman and Saturn. It is something to do with the manifestation of the Universe and I think this is why Saturn is replaced with the woman’s head.

I spent the evening at the Kate Miller-Heidke concert at the Corner Hotel, was fun.

The weather was amazing today. I went over to Lou’s to give her her birthday present and we headed off to have some breakfast. Brydie met us and since the weather was so great we decided to head to the beach. It was great to just dip my feet in the water and lie in the sun.

We had drinks afterwards and dinner later on…it was a really great day.

INTERVIEWS with hundreds of imprisoned drug dealers have revealed that the illicit trade is booming in Britain, with Brits being proportionately the biggest users of cocaine in the developed world.
Jealous government officials can only look on envy at the efficiency with which drug dealers operate, with the trade in narcotics now worth £8 billion-a-year.
Based on prison interviews with 222 high-level drug dealers, they told how people were paid £4,500 to deliver a kilogram of heroin in Britain, or about £490 for cannabis. The threat of prison is seen as no more than an “occupational threat” that comes with the job - and even as a chance to make business connections.
However, a recent crackdown on the proceeds of crime has made things more difficult for the crooks: “People who are arrested are losing everything that they have - even the things they acquired through honest means,” moaned one dealer.WE REVEL in others’ misery, a new study has scientifically proven. No matter how wealthy you may be, money is most rewarding if you have relatively poor friends. Although the study doesn’t take into account that the poor friends would be scabbing off their richer pals, it is hard proof that it is not wealth but relative wealth that makes people truly happy.
Scientists in Paris set some men to a task, promising to pay them cash if they succeeded. Brain scans showed that those that succeeded became happy but upon seeing the failed results of their competitors, they became close to ecstatic.
Scientists could have saved a lot of hassle by simply watching a Scotsman’s reaction to the England V Croatia match.

A NEW BBC documentary claims that the rift between Blair and Brown was worse than first suspected, with Prime Minister Brown behaving like Kevin the Teenager but Blair claiming not to be bovvered.
In the revealing documentary, Blair boasts that he could have carried on longer in No10 if he had wanted to and was “not bothered” by the way Mr Brown plotted against him. Ex-Welfare Minister Frank Field said that PM Brown “glared and growled across the table” at Mr Blair, who treated him like “an adolescent son going through a bad patch. There was this extraordinary tension between them.”
For his part, Blair tacitly accepts that he reneged on a deal to hand power over to Brown saying: “You don’t do deals with the job of Prime Minister.” All of a sudden becoming the selfless martyr after sabotaging Brown’s every attempt to gain power for years, Blair said: “There is no point in going into the past in a way that would be unhelpful to him now. I’m not saying there weren’t real problems, but it never bothered me.”

NOT CONTENT with losing public support, the government have gone and lost two computer discs containing the personal details of 25 million people.
The discs were sent from HM Revenue and Customs to the National Audit Office by a junior official, which is the same as trusting a toddler with your weekly savings. The CD holds information such as names, addresses, child benefit, national insurance numbers and bank account details.
The junior officer decided the best option would be to save all the information on two discs and sent it unrecorded through TNT couriers.
Although the courier was sent on 18th October, the officials didn’t tell their supervisors about the lost discs until 8th November as they desperately tried to concoct a feasible excuse. A prankster has placed an ad on Ebay with the discs for sale. Postage costs are advertised as £1 million. The discs are described as having had “one careless owner.”

LAZY BRITS are refusing to actively seek work because they have acne, are too tired, or too fat - amongst other excuses.
Included in the list of excuses that dole spongers have issued is ‘nail disorders’ - presumably from biting them excessively while gambling their benefit cash at the dog track. Over £1.6 billion has gone to 750,000 people who stated some form of depression as their illness. Around 50,000 claimants pocketed £83 million after claiming they couldn’t work because of alcoholism, while 15,600 claimed they couldn’t get a job because of “malaise and fatigue.” Funnily enough they were never too fatigued to sign on.
The absurd claims lend some evidence to the suggestion that the government issued the benefits to get large numbers of people off the unemployment list figures. Further proof comes with the fact that 140 people were given money for coughs and a further 20 for warts (the non-genital kind).

STEREOTYPES about the personalities of eldest, middle and youngest children in the family are spot on, according to new research.
Petter Kristensen of Oslo University looked at the characters of thousands of Norwegian army recruits and found that there is a huge amount of truth in the old clichés. Eldest siblings tend to be conformist, the youngest tend to run off to mummy when their pathetic attention-seeking antics rightly incur beatings from their elders and the middle siblings usually are tortured souls, who disappoint their parents by becoming Emos.
The research showed that this was not biological, but depended on the way the child was reared. “This study provides evidence that the relation between birth order and IQ scores is dependent on the social rank in the family and not birth order as such,” Kristensen explains.

FACEBOOK users are damaging their future careers through the details they post on their profile pages.
Presumably, they’re also damaging their current careers through the mistaken belief that their bosses don’t see them quickly minimising their window every time their door opens. The Information Commissioner’s Office said that up to 71% of 2,000 14 to 21-year-olds questioned replied that they would not want future employers seeing their profiles without deleting material now.
Given how dull most peoples’ sites are the chances of an employer finding anything interesting enough to be remotely contoversial seem slim.
ICO deputy commissioner David Smith said: “The cost to a person’s future can be very high if something undesirable is found by the increasing number of education institutions and employers.”

PUBLIC favourite Heather Mills has called for people to start drinking rats’ milk rather than cows’ milk to help alleviate global warming. The charity worker, who may soon be a charity case if divorce proceedings go badly, said that animals that are farmed for meat and dairy are now one of the greatest threats to the world. Believe it or not, flatulence from livestock is a significant contributor to global warming
As her pets ran into hiding, Mills said: “Why do we not drink rats’ milk, cats’ milk or dogs’ milk?” Farm Africa, a charity that helps African farmers maximise their growth potential to feed their families, unsurprisingly blasted mental Mucca: “We should be doing everything we can to help these farmers, instead of encouraging silly discussions.”
Mills is at least a specialist on the subject - she has been milking Paul McCartney for years.

AN ENTERPRISING priest is charging churchgoers an entrance fee, claiming that the money is needed for “the upkeep of the church.” St. Bartholomew’s church in London was the setting for scenes from Four Weddings and a Funeral.
Reverend Martin Dudley, seeing his chance to cash in, has placed tills at the entrance of the church. God lovers are charged £4 a soul - but bread and wine are included in the price. Whilst bathing in the new church swimming pool, smoking a Cuban and having his favourite choirboys frolic around him, the reverend insisted that the money was strictly for maintenance to the church.

A DEMENTED woman let her boyfriend break her leg with cement slab as part of a sick compensation swindle. The woman placed a concrete slab over her leg and her chivalrous boyfriend jumped on her with all of his weight. The fool-proof plan was to sue the local county council, supposedly for leaving a concrete slab on top of a woman without noticing.
In a further act of evil genius, the crafty couple filmed the whole scene on a mobile phone to show how easy it is to get free money. When the police searched the man’s house for an unrelated offence, they came across the footage which was described as “particularly horrible and nasty and featured images and audio of a leg being broken.”
The boyfriend is facing jail time while the woman unsurprisingly refused to comment.

TWISTED fire starter, Gary Hooley drunkenly torched his own £350,000 house in revenge after his wife demanded a divorce. Hooley was woken up by police the next morning sleeping in the front seat of his van outside the smouldering remains of his house in Barnsley. He told police the fire had nothing to do with him as he tried to explain why his clothes were covered in ash.
The builder had threatened to “knock the house down brick by brick” during a previous row with his wife.
Dealing with a burned down house and lengthy prison term on top of a brutal hangover must have been pleasant. He must have woken with that sinking feeling when you can’t remember what happened the night before - only to see the copper and the remains of his house. Ouch.

IRISH students’ places in top colleges are being stolen by foreigners, with one potential pupil being refused a place because he was not a “non EU” citizen. The justifiably disgruntled Dublin student is suing the Department of Education after they refused him a place for having the temerity to be Irish in Ireland. The intake of foreign students into Irish universities represents big business for colleges. International students can pay up to €42,000 a year for prestigious courses such as Law and Medicine.
A higher education authority spokesman said that encouraging overseas students “to look at Ireland as a destination for learning remains a key priority,” while cackling manically and counting his ill-gotten gains.
Around 12,000 foreign students study in Ireland a year, which is the same number of Irish people who move to Bondi each day. The Irish students that have missed out as a result of this influx are forced to go as far as Poland and The Czech Republic in order to get their degrees, before emigrating back to Ireland to steal Irish graduates’ jobs.

REBELLIOUS pigs failed to disrupt the World Rally Championship in Ireland, despite a massive invasion of the race track.
A livestock lorry overturned on the final stages of the event, which is watched by 45 million people worldwide. In an incident far more entertaining than the race itself, 160 porkers scattered across the road as Department of Agriculture officials and Gardai chased the pigs to make sure the drivers didn’t make sausage meat out of them.
A Garda spokesman said: “All the pigs have been corralled. There were two fatalities among them, but the rest are ok.” Well, until they end up on our breakfast plates, of course.

RATS were found running around a Health Centre in Galway – probably receiving better care than the human occupants. The discovery of two live rats in Oranmore Health Centre is the latest disaster to strike the Irish health system.
The rampant rodents were found by a young mother and her daughter and were quickly recognised as non paying residents. You know the saying about rats and sinking ships.

RED-EYED politician Emmet Stagg wants cannabis legalised in Ireland - if only he could get the motivation to do something about it. Stagg, who is incredibly Labour’s chief whip despite his inability to get out of bed before 1pm, has urged party members to support a motion calling for the “decriminalisation, regulation and taxation of supply of marijuana.”
Presumably this means rather than the local dealer receiving your money, the government will tax the green gold as heavily as they have tobacco. Stagg’s comments come as Labour try to appear tough on crime and drugs in particular. The minister insisted that his proposal was not meant to make marijuana easier to buy, but rather that it advocated “control of both use and supply.”
Typical of procrastinating puffers, Labour failed to make a decision on the policy and sent it back for further debate along with the argument about who was better between the Beatles and the Stones.

A HARD working Dublin boy celebrated his 25th criminal conviction with a trip to court after being caught in possession of cannabis. Racking up a record crime sheet, the clearly inept 17-year-old criminal had only two weeks earlier been given a two-year suspended sentence for various joy-riding offences, amongst many other crimes.
Perhaps the boy should try a new career as a taxi driver where it’s a job requirement to drive like a maniac and rip people off.

DISGRACEFULLY, alcoholic Irish adults could only finish third in the latest EU heavy drinking polls. In a bigger shock than England’s failure to qualify for Euro ‘08, the average Irish adult consumes only 10.6 litres of pure alcohol every year, though this does not include St Paddy’s Day, Christmas Day or months with the letter R in them.
Surprisingly, Britain doesn’t top the list either. The sneaky devils from Luxembourg and Hungary that managed higher consumption rates. Beer is the most popular drink in Ireland with a 50 per cent market share, while wine and spirits are on 21 and 19 per cent respectively.

PRIMROSE HILL snob Kate Moss turned up to pal Davina Taylor’s birthday party dressed as a chav.
Poking fun at the scrawny, dirty, thieving underclass – embodied by her ex-boyfriend Pete Doherty – Kate donned her cheapest clothing to attend the ex-Hollyoaks actress’ birthday. When informed that two-seasons old Gucci was not typical lower class clothing, she swapped it for fake Burberry and Elizabeth Arden jewellery. Kate really got into her role, soon picking a fight with her nemesis Sienna Miller over her relationship with Rhys Ifans.
The scrawny coke-fiend was overheard threatening Miller: “Treat him right and we’ll leave you alone. But don’t hurt him because we love him.” You don’t want to mess with the Primrose Hill crew.
Sienna will have been grateful to get moral advice from a person who spent years partying with a drug addict while her children were at home calling the nanny ‘mummy.’

HARDENED criminal Lindsay Lohan served a lengthy 84 minutes of her 24-hour jail sentence for drink driving.
The fiery jail-bird handed herself in to the LA jail at 10:30am to serve the remainder of her sentence for DUI, and was released at 11:54am, just in time for a liquid lunch. Quite how she’ll get used to life on the outside having become so institutionalised is a matter of concern for her army of therapists.
Although 84 minutes is not exactly a life sentence, it still beats fellow rally driver Nicole Richie, who spent 82 minutes behind bars in August for the same offence. In proof that celebrities are treated the same as civilians, Lindsays’ sentence was reduced from the mandatory minimum of four days to the average length of a crap movie. Indeed, politicians who wish to be hard on crime could do worse than making felons sit through Freaky Friday.
At this rate, Paris Hilton’s 23 days behind bars is beginning to make her look like Charles Manson.

SIR JIMMY SAVILE had his famous pink glasses nicked from his head by a young lady.
The woman, thought to be in her 20s, ran up to the TV legend and, “wrestled my John Lennon-style glasses off my head and legged it down the corridor.”
Savile was understandably delighted about his first close contact in half a century with a woman who isn’t his dead mother: “I thought it was marvellous because I haven’t been jumped on by a girl for nearly 50 years. If I ever find her I’d like to buy her a box of chocolates.”

A STREAKING stalker obsessed with Girls Aloud was found waiting backstage for the girl group after a show in London. The over-zealous lesbian fan claimed that it was a stunt to celebrate Sarah and Kimberley’s birthday.
Much to the lusty stalker’s disappointment, the girls decided against engaging her in a lengthy lesbian romp, instead having security unceremoniously dump her outside. Although the quintet found the prank funny to begin with, “they started thinking about the serious nature of the situation” and decided to ditch the stitchless fan.
The sex kittens have now hired a former SAS guard each as security.

FIDDY CENT has demanded a bucket of KFC chicken breasts at each venue for his UK tours.
As well as the heart attack-inducing treats, the gangster rapper also wants various jams, French toast, pancakes and waffles served on the finest china and silverware. According to his list of demands: “presentation is VERY important.” Looks like those finishing school fees didn’t go to waste then. The singer, who remains true to his ghetto roots, also insisted that his dressing room had to be kept at a temperature of exactly 22 degrees. West Coast rappers take note – nine bullets may not harm him, but any change in room temperature will bring his bitch ass down.
However, even the Eminem-protégé is overshadowed by environmentally conscious Sheryl Crow in the diva stakes. She demanded a fleet of vehicles, including four buses, six cars and three tractor trailers for her appropriately titled Stop Global Warming College Tour.

AIR-HEADED beauty Jessica Simpson, struggling with single life, has apparently swapped sex for French fries.
The wholesome blonde broke up with John Mayer in the summer and hasn’t been in a relationship since. Proving the mantra that getting over relationships is not about being happy, but rather seeing your ex unhappy, a ‘friend’ of Simpson said: “It hurts her to see her exes moving forward”.
The newly divorced singer has been gorging herself on buffalo wings and French fries late at night - a more than adequate replacement for any man. Luckily, she has turned to her former fitness trainer to help her fit back into her Daisy Duke shorts.

JAKE GYLLENHAAL’S romantic marriage proposal was bluntly knocked back by an unimpressed Reese Witherspoon. The pointy-chinned beauty refused Jake after he had taken her around the most romantic spots in Rome – which is a concern to those men that were planning on a meal at Nandos with a bottle of sangria to do the deed.
According to a friend, Gyllenhaal: “planned a day filled with romantic gestures around the Italian capital before he plucked up the courage.” However: “Reese says it is just too soon after her divorce from Ryan (Philippe) to think about marrying again.”
Witherspoon, who is clearly not looking for too much from a man, was said to want to “take things very slowly because of her two young children.”

MAN-HUNGRY Angelina Jolie has reportedly fallen for her British bodyguard. Not content with the world’s most desirable man, Jolie has given the bodyguard - known only as Billy - the pet name ‘Chisel.’ Presumably because of his toned torso rather than his sculpting abilities.
The bodyguard was, until recently, part of the Special Air Service, and still keeps himself very fit, according to a salivating source. Brad worries that the former SAS man may be forming too close a bond with his wife.
If Jolie is having her body guarded too closely, she will have her hands full in the bedroom after visiting a Covent Garden sex shop with Brad.
The couple were spotted buying deviant goods, while Angie was overheard explaining to Brad why she needed a bodyguard in the dressing room while trying on her full dominatrix outfit.

HEIDI KLUM will soon be playing with her breasts on our TV screens for the new Victoria’s Secret commercial. The ad features a scantily clad Klum fondling and jiggling her ample chest puppies as she sings, dances and yodels before announcing the fairly obvious fact: “I’ve got great knockers!” The remarkable piece of German engineering continues to explain how her nipples become erect when cold.
She then shouts: “You guys have no clue about boobs,” ignoring the fact that it is the majority of men’s specialist subject. Klum recently revealed that the reason for her marriage to Quasimodo-like Seal was because of his sizeable package: “He was wearing bicycle shorts and I pretty much saw everything. The whole package.” And we thought it was because of his dashing good looks.

ETERNAL adolescent Mary-Kate Olsen was rushed to a New York hospital in an emergency that may have something to do with eating nothing but Tic Tacs since she was 11. The 21-year-old actress, who sadly never fulfilled her potential to develop into something voluptuous and feminine due to her pathological phobia of food, was admitted to hospital with a kidney infection.
The former child star has previous, checking into rehab in 2004 for an eating ‘disorder.’ Which in layman’s terms means she was literally starving because of her refusal of any form of sustenance. Olsen earned $40 million with sister Ashley in 2006 and admits that she still has issues with her body and is reluctant to be seen in a bikini: “I would love to be able to swim in the ocean in Malibu. But that is asking for a bikini shot.”
Go on girl, try some food, it really is good, and guys genuinely do like to see some meat on your bones.

SCROOGE-LIKE singer Madonna has cancelled Christmas by refusing to give her children any presents. The grinch is a devout follower of Kabbalah, a mystical offshoot of Judaism, and does not recognise Christmas or Easter as her faith do not believe that Jesus is the son of God. Mrs Madonna, Guy Ritchie, who co-owns three children with her, said: “Once we cancelled it we stopped all the presents, and once we stopped all the presents we started enjoying ourselves more.”
Unluckily for her acquired brood of kids, mad Madge has chosen to spend her wads of cash pushing her religion onto others, spending $2.4 promoting her faith between 2002-2006. With that sort of money thrown around on silly mythical beliefs, who needs Christmas?

MODEL of feminine elegance Britney Spears lost her virginity at the age of 14, according to one of her agents.
Proving that she is not just trying to make up now for a late start, Eric Ervin, who worked with Britney in her early career, said that the virginal image of her early career was a cynical “PR blitz.”
The certifiable singer is also said to have become intimate with Justin’s Trousersnake as soon as they met. Which is somewhat at odds with the wholesome-as-mom’s-apple-pie, butter-wouldn’t-melt image conveyed to the public. It was also been revealed that Brit’s grandmother committed suicide with a shot gun a la Kurt Cobain because she suffered from depression. So it appears that Spears is congenitally crazy.

LIVING monument to the Eighties David Hasselhoff was seen shouting and cursing at his agent at a Beverley Hills restaurant about the state of his career. The Hoff, seemingly unaware that his career is only based on the support of zany students, walked out of the restaurant after the tirade. According to a fellow diner he was ”complaining bitterly about the sort of jobs he has been offered lately.”
Despite dozens of people witnessing the hissy fit, the mulleted actor’s publicist completely denied the claim. Hasselhoff was last seen running in slow motion to the dole office.

THE BITTER divorce battle between Macca and Mucca has escalated yet further, with the former Beatle slashing his divorce offer by £43 million to a paltry £7 million. Although this is far from leaving her without a leg to stand on, McCartney has lost patience after Mills’ TV outbursts against him. Love is all you need.
A source said: “The war between them has just gone to a new level. Paul knows she will go all out to damage his reputation.” Mills has gone as far as calling McCartney’s daughter, Stella “evil” as well as accusing the singer of being physically abusive in past relationships. Sir Paul is convinced that the outbursts have only weakened the vegan’s chances. He is being proved right, with Mills’ legal team dropping her for ignoring their advice to stay quiet to the media.
Mills remains adamant that the sale of ten secret tapes she clandestinely recorded of McCartney will sway the public and courts on her side. McCartney said: “Frankly, it’s prosthetic, I mean, pathetic.” Allegedly.

WHILE explaining how fame and money means nothing to him, James Blunt dropped into an interview how he recently found himself in a pool surrounded by nine naked models. While the squeaky-voiced posh ponce may like to think his captivating charm possessed nine naughty nudes to bathe with him, if he was a realist he would have to accept his bank balance is his only redeeming feature in the eyes of most women. The irksome whiner claimed, somewhat unconvincingly: “I’d like to think any woman I have known has enjoyed being with me.”
The former Army officer also claimed that he has a “good relationship with drugs,” especially little blue bedtime treats we assume. Blunt also persisted with the line that money means nothing to him and that he simply wants to make music. Talk about closing the door after the horse has bolted.

FLAMBOYANT builder’s son Boy George signed a £36,000 writ served to him by a lawyer – thinking it was a mere autograph. Like a scene out of Will and Grace, the solicitor donned a fluorescent jumpsuit and handed the pop star-turned-DJ a piece of paper which turned out to be a Statutory Delegation. By signing it, Georgie Boy proved that he had been served by the writ, which forced him to pay his debts or be declared bankrupt.
The court order demanded that he pay the £36,000 to club promoter Kasia Saleh for pulling out of a concert at the last minute, an action that she blamed for the demise of her business. A spokesman for the diva said: “He was gobsmacked. As soon as we said, ‘You have been served with a statutory declaration’ he went, ‘Oh!’. He could not understand it.”

WACKO Jacko is taking some time off from his tireless work with children to join his family on an unprecedented Jackson Five reunion tour.
The promoter behind the concerts has said that Tito, Jermaine, Marlon and Michael are all confirmed and that Janet is also keen on the reunion.
The Jackson Five disbanded in 1990 and seem to have spent most of their time in courts or plastic surgeries since then.

SMUG personified Simon Cowell has insisted that he is not gay.
Any gay man worth his salt knows that wearing the same shirt daily, tucked into trousers around your chest is not actually fashionable. “If I was, why hide it? It’s not as if the music business would be an odd place for a gay man to work.”
Proving that he is indeed a red-blooded male, scowling Cowell advised that if he was trying to hide his homosexuality he “would be off playing rugby every Saturday.” Putting your hands up other muscled men’s skimpy shorts every weekend should definitely dispel those rumours.

MODERN day Vanilla Ice, Eminem, may never tour again according to good friend 50 Cent.
Fiddy explained that Eminem’s reluctance to tour doesn’t come from fear of unsettled beefs or conditions of his bail, but because he missed his daughter too much – presumably not her mother Kim though. He said: “I’ve toured more than him because he has Hailie, and he likes to physically be at the house. A lot of people don’t know the reason behind him touring less - but Hailie would put boxes in front of the door thinking this would stop him going.”
The homesick daddy missed his daughter so much: “He would fly back [from previous tour dates] on a private plane after the show so he could drive her to school in the morning. So for him tours are exhausting.”
Eminem’s love for his daughter was already well documented, having penned a song called Hailie’s Revenge, which included such cuddly lyrics as: “I’ll choke the shit outchu little muthafuckin bitch! Hailie can whip your muthafuckin ass!”

WALKING warning against plastic surgery, Courtney Love, is considering following Radiohead’s lead by releasing her music on the internet for free. Love has shocked the music world with the revelations that she actually made music which, furthermore, fans were once charged to listen to.
A message on the rent-a-quote’s blog said: “The kamikaze pilot in me wants to do the same damn thing. I’m grateful for Radiohead for making the first move. “I love risk, and almost everything I’ve ever done well has been because everyone said I was crazy to do it.”
Love may try to paint herself as the ultimate crazy devil-may-care rock chick by copying Radiohead and releasing her album for free, but surely giving away something that no one would ever have realistically paid for isn’t exactly Kurt style rebellion.

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I rented out the BBC TV show Blackpool…it was hideously fabulous!

Great Song!

 

Part musical, part thriller, part drama, Blackpool brings the glitz of Vegas to the English seaside town in a gripping and witty whodunnit.

Ripley Holden (David Morrissey) is a small-time entrepreneur desperate to make it big with his new state-of-the-art amusement arcade. The opening extravaganza is overshadowed by the find of a dead body on the premises. DI Carlisle (David Tennant) is called in and quickly finds he has more on his mind than murder, when he falls in love with Ripley’s long-suffering wife, Natalie (Sarah Parish).

As the murder investigation deepens, Carlisle closes down the arcade for investigation and calls in Ripley’s son, Danny (Thomas Morrison) for questioning. Carlisle suspects that Danny is hiding something, possibly covering for his dad - as evidence is found at the arcade linking Ripley with the victim. Adding to Ripley’s worries is a huge tax bill, his planning permission denied and the discovery that his daughter Shyanne (Georgia Taylor) is having a relationship with a man his age.

Danny goes on to confess to the murder but Carlisle doesn’t believe him. When Natalie finds out he is a detective she tells him to stay away from her family. This gives Carlisle a renewed impetus to nail Ripley, his love rival. However, events take a startling turn when Danny attempts suicide.

The series comes to a finale with the wedding of Shyanne and Steve. Ripley gives Natalie and Carlisle his blessing and in return all charges are dropped. Danny then confesses that he committed the crime, in self-defence, and that he is gay. Ripley hands over the arcade to Danny, who is now in the clear.

Blackpool was critically-acclaimed when broadcast in autumn 2004 and won comparisons with Dennis Potter because of the spontaneous song and dance routines.

this one tonight was a cracker…

• Customer: Can you tell me why you are telling people Heartbreak Kid isn’t suitable for children? 
• Staff Member: Well, there is quite a lot of profanity, sexual scenes and it a MA15+…*looks at 7 year old daughter with the customer*
• Customer: We downloaded it and there was nothing wrong with it!
• Staff Member 2: There are lots of sexual scenes in the film
• Customer: Yes but you don’t see anything really…the only thing that is bad is when she pees on him…
• *staff members all look at one another*

Seriously, we can’t win!

One of the lads I work with (James) drew this on the white board today, with the phrase “Mean Cath”…Jimmy, I don’t think I have ever made my mouth into a triangle shape like this (it would hurt) and I think you got me mixed up with Thom…I don’t have wrinkles like that!

The demonic eyes though are pretty much spot on! Good Job

Mark Ronson ft. Amy Winehouse - Valerie

I can’t even count now how many times I have watched this film, but I went to see it again with Lou this morning and hung out with Marine in the evening…nice quiet day off.

AUSTRALIA’S top feminist academics - otherwise known as “hairy-legged femocrats” - have gathered together thousands of sexist one-liners uttered by Australian men in what they describe as their “portfolio of piggery.”
One Thousand Terrible Things Australian Men Have Said About Women is a hilarious insight into the land that sexual equality and political correctness forgot. The book displays Ozzie men at their chivalrous best. Miss Burgmann, one of the authors said: “We’d like this to be seen as a way of poking fun at these men but it’s also a serious piece of research into misogyny.” • A Sydney magistrate said to a female defendant: “Come back when your IQ is as high as your skirt.”
• Rugby player Eric Rush said: “In the old days, you were a good guy if you lifted your feet when she was vacuuming.”
• Mel Gibson asked a female fan: “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?”
• Radio announcer Ray Hadley on Germaine Greer: “I bet she’s now sorry she burnt her bra all those years ago.”
Without a doubt, the pièce de résistance comes from Relations Minister Joe Hockey on how tough pregnancy is – for men. “Well, it’s exhausting for me, her being pregnant. I don’t know why, during the birth process, they only focus on the women. What about the men standing there? I mean, that’s pretty hard. Well, as long as they get the cricket [on television] in the hospital.”

PARENTS who mollycoddle their children and don’t let them play normally are actually harming their kids, according to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents. Examples of health and safety “extremists” wrapping kids in cotton wool, perhaps in fear of a legal suit if they were hurt, include removing football goalposts in case someone runs into them and banning pencil cases because they hide sharp objects. RSPA chief executive Tom Mullarkey said children were being cosseted by “small-minded bureaucrats.”

A NEW BBC documentary claims that the rift between Blair and Brown was worse than first suspected, with Prime Minister Brown behaving like Kevin the Teenager but Blair claiming not to be bovvered. In the revealing documentary, Blair boasts that he could have carried on longer in No10 if he had wanted to and was “not bothered” by the way Mr Brown plotted against him. Ex-Welfare Minister Frank Field said that PM Brown “glared and growled across the table” at Mr Blair, who treated him like “an adolescent son going through a bad patch. There was this extraordinary tension between them.”
For his part, Blair tacitly accepts that he reneged on a deal to hand power over to Brown saying: “You don’t do deals with the job of Prime Minister.” All of a sudden becoming the selfless martyr after sabotaging Brown’s every attempt to gain power for years, Blair said: “There is no point in going into the past in a way that would be unhelpful to him now. I’m not saying there weren’t real problems, but it never bothered me.”

POLICE are ignoring active paedophile rings in favour of chasing drivers not wearing seat belts because of a twisted system of Government targets, an investigation has revealed. The measurement of “Offenders Brought to Justice” counts all offences as equal, meaning catching a paedophile carries no more importance than fining a motorist. Alan Gordon, vice chairman of the Police Federation, who carried out the review, said: “One officer told us that he was actually investigating a paedophile ring which he considered to be still active, but at that time the force were under considerable pressure to reduce crime in a particular area, such as burglary.
“If he’d arrested the paedophiles it would still have only been one tick in the box, and therefore no more importance was attached to that than investigating burglaries.” The review also found the common conception that police target motorists to gain easy fines were justified, with some forces having that a specially-equipped car for the sole purpose of catching people not wearing seatbelts.
On the bright side, it was also revealed that four of ten crimes – some two million crimes a year – are not investigated because police know they have no chance of solving them.

OVERWEIGHT people will pay an extra “tubby tax” for plane tickets if new plans go ahead. Under sketchy plans drawn-up by nutrition expert Dr John Tickell, plump passengers would have to pay extra for every kilo they weighed over a set limit, much like people do for excess baggage. Fair or fattist, what do you think? FAIR: Airlines are obviously passing the extra fuel costs onto all customers, so why should people of normal weight have to subsidise people who think exercise is pulling back the recliner handle of a Lazy Boy or reaching for the last slice of a double cheese meat feast? Space is at a premium in economy class to say the least, so why should people of normal weight have their scant space invaded by people of abnormal weight? It’s hard enough to get a sleep without someone’s blubber flopping onto your thighs. If someone has a medical condition, fair enough.
FATTIST: By sheer luck of genetics I am a svelte 82kg as opposed to a more fulsome 152kg. This is not to say that obese people can’t do anything about it, or are simply big boned. But I have no doubt that genetics plays a part in it. So if we are putting a tax on something that is, in part, due to genetics, then how about we tax tall people in cinemas, or hairy people in swimming pools? Do we tax ugly people for ruining our beautiful cities? Should plump people pay more for bus tickets? Where does the fat fascism end?

A DANCING dentist plunged a drill into a woman’s eye after getting carried away with his dance moves. The tooth fairy was “performing rhythmical steps to Car Wash on the radio” when the patient, who had been dosed with novocaine, “heard a snap.” The aptly named Dr Trusty, 57, lodged the one-inch drill into the sinus cavity of the lady, lodging it in her eye socket.
Brandy Fanning, 31, who had gone in for a routine tooth extraction, had emergency surgery in hospital to remove the drill. The mother of three alleges that Dr. Trusty tried to pull the bit out with a hook but only pushed it up through the bone. When she asked what was happening, the dentist replied it was nothing and that she would likely sneeze the drill out.
Dr. Trusty, who is now being sued for £300,000, was last seen anxiously Hammertiming down to his lawyer’s office.

MORAL hysteria has been sparked by major supermarkets selling cans of lager for 22p. The reactionary tabloids like the Daily Mail are in an indignant panic, fretting over the dangers that drinking cheap lager could cause teenagers. Probably not much more than the cheap cider, vodka, super lager and pills they are already popping en masse.
Why is it that middle-class parents and newspapers get most outraged when their kids are the ones most likely to be sitting beside a roaring log fire reading Harry Potter on a Saturday night? Part of the outrage concerns the fact that the supermarkets are actually selling the cans at a loss just to get customers through the door, but what’s the story here? That big businesses earn their money unscrupulously? Stop the press.
The Daily Mail executed an incisive piece of investigative journalism to get to the root of the problem, getting a female staff member to get drunk on the 22p lager. “Into the third can, I start feeling more affectionate and my inhibitions are lowered - swinging my legs over my chair, I find myself telling the photographer what a fabulous chap he is and how much I love working with him.” What this proves - other than that the journalist in question is a bit of a tart - is unclear.

BOFFINS are hanging their bespectacled heads in shame after it was discovered that the object they had said was an asteroid hurtling towards Earth was actually a satellite. Doesn’t give you too much faith into their ability to decipher what lies at the far reaches of the galaxy when they can’t tell a satellite from an asteroid - especially when all you’d need was a Tomy’s My First Telescope to do it.

A BIG booty equals a big brain, according to new research. A study involving 16,000 women and girls by the Universities of Pittsburgh and California found that women with a big difference between their waist and hip measurements - or a bit of a fat arse - scored significantly better in tests than those with leaner, straighter frames.
Science dweebs, who had more contact with female flesh during these tests than they ever imagined possible, say that the fat around curvy hips and thighs holds higher levels of omega-3 fatty acids - which are essential for the growth of the brain during pregnancy - than the type of fat which collects around the waist. Beyonce’s child could be the new Einstein.

METROSEXUAL men are developing feminine concerns over their bodies, with over a quarter of British blokes so ashamed of their body they don’t want to be naked in front of their partner.
Most girls must be thinking, ‘only a quarter? The rest of them should have some bloody shame.’ Then again, the study doesn’t take into account what the men’s partners looked like themselves, which could have played a very significant role in their reluctance to take their clothes off, lest she started getting any ideas.

A WHEELCHAIR bound criminal who tried to rob two men on the street has been sentenced to five years in prison. The heroin addict, who had his leg amputated in 2003 after years of drug abuse, wheeled up to two men in separate incidents in Somerset demanding the princely sum of 50p. Unsurprisingly, the ‘victims’ were both able to jog away unharmed with their 50p still in tact.

A WORRYING number of Dublin school children in the city are joining gangs and using guns by their mid-teens, according to new findings. Confirming Dublin’s rapid transformation into gangland LA, more than one in ten young scallywags surveyed admit to being full fledged members of gangs by the time they reach 16, while up to one fifth of students admitted to having been in contact with a gun.
The study was carried out among a group of 158 post-primary school kids across north and west Dublin and included a number of schools in the Ballyfermot, Blanchardstown and Clondalkin areas - known to locals as “the hood.”
According to Deirdre Cleary, who conducted the research: “The group was asked about gun possession rather than any other weapon and it was found that people who have been in a gang were more likely to have been in possession of a gun in the past six months.”

HARD-UP Bertie Ahern claims he is “poverty stricken” compared to other world leaders – because he has to spend all his cash on cups of tea.
Ahern defended his whopping €38,000 pay rise and accusations he was better paid than US President George Bush and British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, saying: “Most of the people mentioned would not pay for a cup of tea from one end of the year to the other because they have catering staff in their homes.
“It would not be hard for a member of the media to write a glowing article about how poverty-stricken we are compared to other countries.”

A FIREFIGHTER who died fighting a blaze was docked his €40 callout fee – because he didn’t finish his shift.
Brian Murray died in the Bray fire tragedy but penny pinchers at Wicklow Co Council are refusing to shell out the pittance he would have made if he hadn’t had lost his life in the call of duty. Brian’s widow, and mother of 15, Mary Murray has apologised to the council for her husband’s slacking off due to the minor complaint of being burned to death.
Petty jobsworths at Wicklow County Council have admitted it still owes the family money, including wages and other benefits due to Mr Murray, but says it cannot release the cash because Mrs Murray has not appointed a solicitor to act on her behalf. Well, it’s not like she has a lot on her plate already, is it? Her 15 hungry and mourning kids will no doubt be delighted to hear that council red tape is what’s ensuring that they’re left on the breadline.

A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD child genius could be on his way to university in Ireland after being hailed as the world’s only chemistry prodigy.
The parents of the boy, whose ambition it is to become the country’s biggest dealer in hydroponic weed and mind-blowing ecstasy, have appealed to Irish universities to give their son a place on their chemistry course.
Valentine Cawley, originally from Mayo, and his Singaporean wife, Syahidah, say their son’s brilliant gift could be lost if he’s not allowed to nurture his talent. Ainan Celeste Cawley is about to take his A-level exams, which are the equivalent to the Irish Honours Leaving Certificate.
His dad, who now lives in Singapore with the family, said: “I would love to spend some years in Ireland with him and it would mean a lot to us if an Irish university would answer our appeal. “We have made some overtures to them but we haven’t come to any conclusions in our investigations. Trinity College Dublin didn’t reply to us funnily enough, so maybe they thought it was a joke.”

PRIESTS are to be given anger management courses after a series of bizarre spats in churches.
Incidents involving not-so-holy men of the cloth include a vicar spitting at church warden in a row over toilet facilities, a clergyman karate-kicking a violent parishioner, and a vicar who sold a priceless medieval map to bankroll a skint cathedral.
Some priestly disputes have become so bad that a “conflict management” course has been introduced for church leaders.

CLEAN living Taoiseach Bertie Ahern’s car is pumping out more toxic chemicals into the atmosphere that any in the entire ministerial fleet.
Setting a supreme example, the leader’s high-powered Merc is the worst offender when it comes to killing off the environment as it produces the highest level of emissions of the chauffeur-driven State cars.
His top of the range Mercedes S350 discharges a whopping 281grams of carbon dioxide emissions for every kilometre he travels - which would send even gas guzzling Yanks green with envy.
Green Party ministers are now calling for the fleet to be scrapped and replaced with environmentally friendly machines. Their members drive hybrid - petrol and electric engine - Toyota Prius cars. Although, let’s face it, how can you expect anyone to take you seriously in a Prius?

BLOW-UP doll Jordan has admitted that she dresses up as a nun to please hubby Peter Andre because he likes her “pure and virginal.”
Although nuns are generally considered to be chaste and innocent, this is normally because they haven’t ballooned their breasts to size FF, posed fully nude in lads’ mags and slept with half the men on the Z-list celebrity circuit. Perhaps he should have attended a church instead?
“There are no holds barred for me and Pete in the bedroom,” the future Sister Katie said. “Our favourite thing at the moment is dressing up.” She continued: “I’ve been wearing a nun’s outfit, which really turns him on. Maybe he likes it as I look all pure and virginal.”
Revealing far more information than the public should be subjected to, She said: “Peter dresses up too. My favourite outfit for him is Zorro - he looks sexy in that.’ This could possibly because it covers almost every inch of his baby oil greased body.

LEATHER skinned Jon Bon Jovi has indicated that he would like to run for governor, only a week after admitting to dealing drugs when he was younger.
Not content with ruining nights out by producing student nightclub fodder, the 45-year-old rocker is ready to follow in the footsteps of Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger and dictate the lives of normal people in New Jersey.
Thank God these celebrities are willing to use their considerable experience in the entertainment world to make decisions on interest rates and public spending – Johnny who used to work on the dock will be pleased.
The Jovernor has hired PR guru, Ken Sunshine (mostly because of his name) to start spinning stories to make him more appealing to the people of New Jersey. Perhaps not admitting to being a former drug dealer in a notoriously conservative country would be a good start.

TRANSEXUAL drug fiend Amy Winehouse once again had to hit speed dial on her phone to call an ambulance to her house in London.
The 999 call was lodged only hours after visiting her equally messed-up husband Blake Fielder-Civil in prison, where he is currently serving time for perverting the course of justice and grievous bodily harm – presumably ‘perverting’ and ‘grievous bodily harm’ refers to Blake forcing himself to have sex with Wino.
Amy is said to be distraught since her spouse’s dramatic arrest last week – perhaps because he has the keys to her drug stash.

ANGELINA Jolie is devastated after learning she may have to return one of her brood to her biological family - maybe she should have got a receipt. Zahara’s Ethiopian grandmother claims that the adoption paperwork is wrong and that the child’s mother is still alive.
The woman claiming to be the tot’s mother said: “Her grandmother and I both tried very hard to raise her, and I want her to come home to regain her identity.” Child collector, Angelina is said to be searching the net searching for her latest fashion accessory, said to be an Iranian boy.

PUSSYCAT Doll Nicole Scherzinger is desperate for more British men.
Having already collaborated with Snow Patrol’s Gary Lightbody, Keane’s Tim Rice-Oxley and old sex machine Sting, the sole singer among the Pussycat Dolls is eager to record a duet with Chris Martin.
“After Sting, Gary and Tim I just need to work with Chris Martin to complete my British songwriting mission,” she said.
The world famous songstress revealed how she forced herself onto Keane’s podgy-faced non-entity Tim Rice-Oxley, insisting that they work together on the track American Girl. Which is similar to Cindy Crawford forcing herself upon a binman, for example.
Presumably talking about a Hugh Grant type character as opposed to a gruff Yorkshireman, she continued: “I think there are a lot of hot English men. I just love the accent.” Ah, don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like her. Don’t cha.

ROAD rager Britney Spears ran over the foot of a paparazzo, days after sending another snapper to hospital with broken arms and legs.
The unruly singer was trying to reverse her Mercedes out of a car park in Beverly Hills when she heard the pained screams of her latest victim.
Only a few days before, a ‘celebrity magazine spotter’ was knocked off a motorcycle while at the centre of the circus chasing Spears and ending up with his bones shattered. It makes you wonder why the judge thought she was an unsuitable mother.
Less than a month before these two attacks, yet another photographer had his foot crushed by the singer’s car. It might be time for someone to take this weapon from the clearly insane driver.

STICK insect Victoria Beckham has been getting in some early practice for the Spice Girls world tour by being laughed at by her family while rehearsing.
She said: “David and the boys have been laughing at me because I’ve been wandering around the house listening to my iPod and practising the routines.” Rumours of cat-fighting between the band are, of course, unfounded according to old Spice: “We have never been divas.”
In unrelated news, the five Spice women have rented five separate luxurious mansions as their base in LA while they tour. At least they’re keeping their feet on the ground.

SUPERMODEL Heidi Klum said she would love to copy Christina Aguilera’s genius idea and have her own naked Sundays.
The German Goddess, who is inexplicably married to Nineties relic Seal, said “I might have to copy her and do that. I’ll do ‘Seal and Heidi’s Naked Sunday’!” In theory this sounds far better than a trip to IKEA but, unlike Christina, Heidi will have three kids wondering why mommy and daddy are playing Heidi sausage with no clothes on.
Her husband, who is arguably the only seal that animal rights activists would be happy to see clubbed, has also admitted that their youngest child is ruining their sex life by sleeping in the couple’s bedroom and it’s making him ‘crazy’.
The scar-faced singer said: “This is the longest time I’ve known Heidi without her being pregnant. She’s got her body back and it’s real good fun!” We’re sure it is, Seal.

WRINKLED rocker Paul McCartney’s helter skelter divorce battle with Heather Mills has escalated after claims that he branded her a “one legged bitch.” Mills also said she had a “secret box of evidence” that she hopes will redeem her and condemn Paul. Unless these include pictures of Macca sneaking into a Portuguese villa a few months back, then it is unlikely she’ll be able to persuade the public back on her side.
According to the tapes in the box, the ex-Beatle reportedly downed Viagras to pep up sex with the charity worker and former porn star and was violent towards his first wife, Linda. Although Mills claims that the tapes were all made with McCartney’s prior knowledge, a close ‘pal’ of Heather’s said: “Heather recorded some passages on the phone with a wire tap and the rest with a recorder in her handbag.”
Spying on your husband to get more money from the divorce - if that doesn’t get you public sympathy, what will?

KYLIE looks set to follow the latest celebrity trend of adopting a child.
While choosing the latest fashion accessory, she has decided to shun her idol Madonna’s choice of an African baby, as well as Brangelina’s favoured Cambodian children, instead opting for an Aboriginal child.
A source close to the diminutive ball of cuteness said: “She’d make a great mum. She’s so caring and considerate and has a playful sense of humour as well.”
It is believed that her dalliance with death while fighting cancer made her think about the more important things in life. Hopefully, a bout of herpes for Paris Hilton will change her world view too.

BABYSHAMBLES have been offering their support to pin cushion bandmate Pete Doherty, after his skag demons once again got the better of him.
The certified smack rat has checked himself back into rehab after footage of him shooting-up appeared on the internet. The band implausibly claim that they were unaware he had used heroin since he left rehab - until the recent newspaper revelations.
Bassist Drew McConnell lauded Doherty’s decision to get professional help, and slammed the person who videoed his relapse. “We heard they [The Sun] were going to run a picture the day before, but I assumed it was going to be dug up old footage,” McConnell said.
“When you’ve just come out of rehab and trying to stay clean with all your might, then some c**t comes round your house with a bag of stuff and a cameraphone, it must be hard to stop yourself.”
It really looked like Pete was fighting gallantly to stay off the gear as he plunged that needle deep into his arm and was quoted as saying he was “in mourning for an armful.”

FORMER Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic has spoken out about the origins of the bands masterpiece Smells Like Teen Spirit – and revealed once and for all it wasn’t a song about Kurt’s hygiene.
In a rare public outing for the forgotten man of the iconic grunge band, who’s now involved in the world of politics, Novoselic cast aside myths over the song. Blogging for the Seattle Weekly, in a post entitled ‘Smells Like (Put Word Here) Spirit,’ he said: “Kathleen Hannah wrote ‘Kurt Smells Like Teen Spirit’ on Kurt’s apartment wall. I recall seeing it and thinking, ‘Too much cheap red wine!’”
He added: “I don’t know why she wrote it, but I know for sure that Kurt Cobain did not have any odour problems. Even though his place was a mess, he took care of his hygiene. This person would soak in the bath night after night only listening to The Beatles.”

LOVABLE scousers The Zutons have picked a fight with middle-aged wannabe delinquents Kaiser Chiefs. The band have taken a cheeky swipe at Chiefs frontman Ricky Wilson, claiming that they are better musicians and taking the piss out of him for not remembering the words to his songs.
Speaking about the differences between Mark Ronson’s covers of Valerie by the Zutons and Oh My God by the Kaiser Chiefs, drummer Sean Payne said: “We’re better musicians than him [Wilson] to be honest.”
Payne mocked Wilson for admitting he forgot how to sing his version of Oh My God and ended up singing Ronson’s new version instead.
Payne told Virgin Radio: “If he can’t remember his own song, what’s the story there? Sorry, but you’ve got to remember how your own song goes, haven’t you?” Evidently even Ricky himself finds his lyrics instantly forgettable.

ABOMINATION of nature, Michael Jackson, has announced that he will collaborate with Kanye West and the Black Eyed Peas’ Will.I.Am on his new album. Clearly S Club Juniors were a little too busy for a weekend of Jesus Juice and porn at Neverland.
Wacko Jacko was speaking to the black culture magazine Ebony – despite the fact he has spent his life trying to look ivory – when he revealed his plans for a new album next year. He also vowed not to continue making music in his later years.
“[I won’t keep making music] the way James Brown or Jackie Wilson did, where they just killed themselves,” he said. “I wish James Brown could have slowed down and been more relaxed and enjoyed his hard work.”

ELVIS COSTELLO has said he will never play in England again.
The dashingly handsome singer-songwriter was born in Paddington, London, but now lives in New York, and says he’s not bothered about returning home for gigs – even calling Glastonbury “fucking dreadful.”
“I don’t care if I ever play in England again,” he said, blaming his Glastonbury appearance in 2005 for his decision. He added: “That gig made up my mind that I wouldn’t come back. I don’t get along with it. We lost touch. It’s 25 years since I lived there. I don’t dig it, they don’t dig me.
“A lot of good bands still come out of England, but I just don’t feel a part of it. British music fans don’t have the same attitude to age as they do in America, where young people come to check out, say, Willie Nelson. They feel some connection with him and find a role for that music in their lives.” Sour grapes anyone?

LIAM GALLAGHER has vowed not to ‘do a Radiohead’ and let the fans decide how much to pay online for the new Oasis album.
The missing link said he would do all this hard work for free “over his dead body.” By ‘hard work’ he presumably means copying Beatles songs chord for chord. Displaying his usual level of modesty, Liam said that the seventh Oasis album would be comparable to the celebrated seventh LPs from the Rolling Stones and The Beatles. In his defence, he did at least admit that Don’t Believe the Truth was crap, but stopped short of apologising for all the other albums since (What’s the Story) Morning Glory.
However, Liam being Liam, he did refuse to take responsibility for the last album, instead blaming brother Noel for tinkering too much in the studio: “Hopefully our kid’s learned his lesson.” If anyone can be handing out such pearls of wisdom, it’s our Liam.

BABYFACED Ronan Keating and friends have jumped onto the comeback bandwagon.
The objects of Louis Walsh’s affections join the Spice Girls, Take That and All Saints in their bid to stave off the inevitable descent into middle-aged suburban life by launching a comeback. The man band have wasted no time in stirring up the competition in the charts, claiming that the Spice Girls hijacked their comeback bid by reforming before the Irish band. Quite why beating Boyzone would be top of the agenda for the most successful girl band of all time is not clear.
Keith Duffy admitted that it would be good to really experience the gigs this time instead of “getting drunk every night and not seeing anything” - because Boyzone really were up there with the Motley Crue when it comes to rock ‘n’ excess, Keith.

CONTROVERSY surrounds the death of Kanye West’s mother, Dr Donda West, after her tummy tuck went wrong.
The doctor who performed the surgery, Dr Jan Adams, has been arrested twice in the last four years for drink driving offences and has also been the target of malpractice lawsuits on many occasions, two of which resulted in hefty payouts. Which begs the question, why do people keep going back for more?
Attempting to hide the smell of absinthe on his breath, Adams speculated that the death was not caused directly by the surgery, instead “caused by a heart attack, a pulmonary embolism or vomiting.” Which, of course, was completely unrelated to the major surgery he had just performed.

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…but was it necessary to have the Myer Christmas Parade today…Carol Singers and all? It’s November!

My parents called and I told my Mum it was 30c today. She wanted it in farenhite but I didn’t know and when she asked my Dad how hot it was, he said “Egypt”.