.: Cath’s Blog:.

Ok, all the staff at my work have been ranting about a program called ‘Summer Heights High’, which funnily enough is filmed in Brighton. I am a bit late but I finally got to see it today…indeed it is very funny. Chris Lilley is so wrong!

Watch from 4.30…so funny

My day at college was just ‘blah’…my own fault…crap at maths + late with an assignment = me hungry and stressed.

Lucky for me I wasn’t at work, so I headed to the Belgium Beer Garden to meet Kimbo et al for a catch up.

• The longest one-syllable word in the English language is “screeched.”
• “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.
• Almonds are members of the peach family.
• The symbol on the “pound” key (#) is called an octothorpe.
• The dot over the letter ‘i’ is called a tittle.
• Ingrown toenails are hereditary.
• The word “set” has more definitions than any other word in the English language.
• “Underground” is the only word in the English language that begins and ends with the letters “und.”
• There are only four words in the English language which end in”-dous” tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.
• The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is
  pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.
• The longest place-name still in use is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimau
  ngahoronukupokaiwenuakitanatahu, a New Zealand hill.
• Los Angeles’s full name is “El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula” and can be
  abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, “L.A.”
• A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
• An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
• In most advertisments, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
• Alfred Hitchcock didn’t have a belly button. It was eliminated when he was sewn up after surgery.
• Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.
• Donald Duck’s middle name is Fauntleroy.
• Al Capone’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
• The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.
• Steely Dan got their name from a sexual device depicted in the book ‘The Naked Lunch’.
• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.
• The Ramses brand condom is named after the great phaoroh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.
• There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without rearranging any of its letters,
  “therein” the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.
• Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
• John Larroquette of “Night Court” and “The John Larroquette Show” was the narrator of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”
• The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in
  Frank Capra’s “Its A Wonderful Life”
• A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
• It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
• It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up its stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it’s mouth.Then the frog uses its forearms to dig out all of the stomach’s contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.
• Cranberries are sorted for ripeness by bouncing them; a fully ripened cranberry can be dribbled like a basketball.
• The male gypsy moth can “smell” the virgin female gypsy moth from 1.8 miles away.
• The letters KGB stand for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti.
• The name for Oz in the “Wizard of Oz” was thought up when the creator, Frank Baum, looked at his filing cabinet and saw A-N, and O-Z, hence “Oz.”
• The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
• ‘Stewardesses’ is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.
• To “testify” was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.
• The combination “ough” can be pronounced in nine different ways. The following sentence contains them all “A rough-coated, dough-faced, thoughtful ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough; after falling into a slough, he coughed and hiccoughed.”
• The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
• Facetious and abstemious contain all the vowels in the correct order, as does arsenious, meaning “containing arsenic.”
• Emus and kangaroos cannot walk backwards, and are on the Australian coat of arms for that reason.
• Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
• The word “Checkmate” in chess comes from the Persian phrase “Shah Mat,” which means “the king is dead”.
• The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of lore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

I am really enjoying my shifts at Cacao. I did my sixth shift today and though I was a bit of a butterfingers, dropping, breaking and spilling stuff all over the show my shift was good.

After work I walked accross the road to the George to see ‘Forbidden Lie$’. It’s actually been on the cinema for a while, but for some reason I’ve always put off seeing it.

Even though I had been working since 5am I really fancied a burbon and a good movie. It actually hit the spot until I got to my car and found a $55 parking ticket!

Norma Khouri is a thief, a saint, a seductress and a sociopath – depending on who is talking. Men want to marry her, Islamic extremists want to kill her, and the global publishing industry wishes she would just disappear.
Khouri won fame and fortune with her “true story” Forbidden Love, about a shocking honour killing in Jordan. The book was a runaway bestseller, translated into multiple languages, and Khouri became the toast of the literary world. That was until July 2004, when esteemed Sydney Morning Herald journalist Malcolm Knox exposed her book as a work of fiction.

She’s been in hiding ever since. Now she wants to talk.

Weaving between the literary salons of London, the mosque-lined vistas of Jordan, the beachside suburbs of Queensland and the seamy Chicago backstreets of Norma’s dubious past, Forbidden Lie$ pits Norma’s tale against the stories of those who believe she duped them: the publishers, the FBI, her next door neighbour…even her husband. But the most compelling character of all is Norma – encouraged by director Anna Broinowski to journey through every shade of grey that separates fact from fiction.

A real-life thriller that will leave you with your jaw on the floor, Forbidden Lie$ is Catch Me If You Can with a smirk and a swagger that would make Helen Demidenko gasp in admiration.

You won’t believe it until you’ve seen it.

 I hope I never run into a con artist like her in my lifetime.

A PENSIONER has been fined £75 for dumping a bag of rubbish - in a bin.
Clean-freak John Richards, 84, thought nothing of leaving his neatly parcelled carrier bag of garbage in a street-side bin, rather than wait for his fortnightly wheelie-bin collection. But preferring to see the old-timer live in a hovel, immoral penny-pinchers on the local council tracked him down and accused him of fly-tipping.
They said he faced a fine of £2,500 if he went to court so Mr Richards, of Lincolnshire, was forced to hand over three-quarters of his weekly pension. Nice to see the real criminals in society are being brought to justice for a change.
Mr Richards said: “It’s just ludicrous. I’ve never thrown litter in my life. It’s only a small house and it would be intolerable to keep rotting food waste indoors until the next collection.”PATIENTS are pulling their own teeth out because they cannot afford to go to a dentist.
Following a massive survey it was revealed that toothache sufferers were ripping out their own gnashers and even super-gluing their chipped teeth and fillings, because they couldn’t find an NHS dentist that would take them.
In one shocking case, a Lancashire man, now thought to be a big fan of chicken soup, did 14 separate DIY extractions using a pair of pliers.
Hundreds of thousands of people are being forced to pay for expensive private treatment and are having to take out loans to retain their pearly whites.
Fearing that half the country could soon look like Shane MacGowan, shadow Health Minister Mike Penning said: “How can we have third world dentistry with over £100billion going into the NHS? It is shocking that patients are being forced to resort to Victorian practices like this.”

BOFFINS have handed us an excuse to tell your boss to go fuck himself - they have discovered swearing at work can help stop us getting stressed.
The University of East Anglia said a study of leadership styles found the use of “taboo language” - ie effing and blinding - boosted team spirit.
Proving that Gordon Ramsay may well be the best manager on planet Earth, the study found stopping workers from swearing could have a negative effect on morale.
Professor Yehuda Baruch said: “In most scenarios, in particular in the presence of customers or senior staff, profanity must be seriously discouraged or banned.
“However, our study suggested that, in many cases, taboo language serves the needs of people for developing and maintaining solidarity, and as a mechanism to cope with stress.” Couldn’t fucking agree more.

PORKY patients have been banned from a hospital waiting room – in case they collapse the building.
Any patient weighing more than 30-stone has been ordered not to enter the first floor of Ealing Hospital, West London.
Doctors at the hospital, however, seem to be delusional that a 30-stone patient could have even made it up a flight of stairs to the first floor anyway.

Johnny Vegas terrified hotel guests and almost maimed a young lad after going off the rails in Benidorm.
The notorious northern monkey launched a bizarre foul mouth tirade at guests at the resort he was staying at whilst filming his new TV show.
In what must have been a sickening sight, Vegas climbed on his balcony and repeatedly yelled “I’m Johnny fucking Vegas,” in a rant lasting half an hour - well, with his career in freefall as it is, the other guests wouldn’t have known.
He then threw a table and chair from the balcony which smashed on to a public walkway near the young lad.
Laughably, ITV bosses insisted Vegas was rehearsing a scene for his sitcom Benidorm. Mary McWatter said: “I was woken at about 8.15am by continual shouting – it was Johnny Vegas one balcony below us. He seemed under the influence of drink.” She continued: “His tirade went on for about half an hour. He just kept shouting the same thing over and over – ‘I’m Johnny fucking Vegas.’”

A SHOP supervisor tried to rip off his employers by staging a fake robbery – only to have the whole thing filmed on his own CCTV camera.
John Tait got his mate Christopher McGirr to beat him up and nick more than £3,300 from the safe at the Scotmid store in Edinburgh.
Scamster Tait thought he’d got away with the set-up when he was found bleeding and told police he’d been attacked by a robber.
But the pair had to come clean after cops checked CCTV footage and saw Tait opening the shop and going in with the same bloke that had then beat him up and robbed the store. The pair, who gamble together, had come up with the idea in a casino and Tait admitted that he had also stolen another £3,000 just days before.

SIR MENZIES CAMPBELL has stood down as leader of the Liberal Democrats
With the inevitability of Roger Federer winning a match, unpopular Campbell has resigned from his post, with a battle for the top job in the party now set to take centre stage. The good news is, if the new leadership race is anything like the last one, we can expect to hear of married men hiring rent boys for bondage sex and a host of alcohol/drug problems. The news comes as it was revealed that the Lib Dem’s would have won a grand total of zero seats if Gordon Brown hadn’t bottled calling a General Election this year - you can kind of see why the powers-that-be may have felt it time for a change then.
Giving his best ‘on your bike son’ speech, Party President Simon Hughes said: “For the last two years Ming has given huge purpose and stability to our party.” The renowned backstabber continued: “He has led the professionalisation of the party and he has led the very successful preparations for the general election.”

BRITISH women are using cocaine and speed to stay slim, according to a new poll.
Well, it’s a lot more fun than adopting a Posh Spice-esque celery and cream cracker diet.
According to the shocking survey, one in six women are getting snuffed out of their minds to keep their figure. Shocking indeed - there’s no way one in six British girls are skinny. A worrying amount of women also take slimming pills and don’t know how to eat normally. However, dietician Amanda Ursell is still not recommending the novel diet, despite the flimsy evidence to the contrary.
“Cocaine would suppress appetite for a very short time but wrecks your body and long-term health.”

Bloody Black Cabs BBC staff are spending an astonishing £46,000 a day on taxis – probably to take them down to the local job centre.
In the biggest waste of licence fee cash since Ian Wright was signed to Match of the Day, the Beeb has blown a whopping £17 million in the last year on cabs.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the public service broadcaster and bad press magnet is facing up to 2,800 job cuts in an efficiency drive. Perhaps investing in some bus tickets would be just as cost effective.
The figures also showed chief operating officer Caroline Thomson spent a whopping £17,000 on cabs, money that could have been better spent on making Eastenders watchable again.
The BBC has been criticised for pouring vast sums into the broadcasting graveyard that is BBC3, even though repeats of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps are relatively cheap to produce.
Chairman Sir Michael Lyons warned no area of the BBC is safe from efficiency cuts: “There are no protected areas. If you can do things more effectively in any area, you have to make savings.”

THE INDUSTRIAL wasteland that is Middlesborough has been named as the worst place to live in the UK.
The town soared to the number one spot on the list of the UK’s crappest places, which ironically is the first time it’s been deemed worthy enough to finish top of any list, ever. As well as the stunning views of abandoned factories, residents enjoy low wages, high crime, binge drinking, drug problems and poor education, which have all been blamed for the town’s position.
‘Boro rose five places to dethrone last year’s number one, the London borough of Hackney. The delightful town of Hull was second on the list and Newham, East London, third. Doing nothing to help it’s reputation, officials from the town have defended its status by reminding us that it boasts British greats such as Paul Daniels and Roy Chubby Brown among its sons.

A COUNCIL was ordered to put in a new £5,000 town hall loo for the Queen’s visit - which she didn’t actually use. Proving that the Royal Family really is a benefit to us all, £58,000 was spent on Her Majesty’s visit to the town of Romsey in Hants.
Luckily for her loyal subjects, the trip wiped out the local authority’s reserves and council tax could rise to cover the deficit. Gawd bless ‘er.
Clerk Judith Giles said: “Buckingham Palace officials asked what the toilets were like. I said they were not in pristine condition but they were clean. “They said replace it. There was no argument. It was ‘do it,’ so we did.”

BUMBLING Health Minister Mary Harney says she has no idea if the infamous Health Service Executive, set up three years ago, is even working. The HSE was set up to cut down on administration costs and to stop taxpayers’ hard- earned cash being wasted on scores of people doing the same jobs.
But when asked if there was any difference in staff numbers between the current and old systems, or whether it had saved any money, Harney proved to be the archetypal politician - she hadn’t got a clue.
Doing its best to turn ‘we haven’t got the foggiest’ into business speak, the Department of Health said it was: “too early in the process yet to be definitive regarding overall financial savings emerging to date.”
Independent TD Tony Gregory, who originally raised the question, said: “It’s an awful long time for an experiment which is costing billions of euros.”

AROUND a third of all rivers supplying drinking water to people across Ireland are polluted, according to a new report.
In good news for Volvic, but bad news for the rest of the country, it’s now thought that 60 per cent of ground supplies are polluted with e-coli and contaminated with human waste. With one-in-five homes getting their tap water from the supplies, it may well now be healthier to wash dishes in a bowl of Guinness than use the disease-ridden water.
The report, from the Environment Protection Agency, follows the recent Galway crisis where more than 90,000 people couldn’t drink their publicly-supplied water as it was contaminated by the deadly cryptosporidium bug. “There remains an unacceptable and sizeable level of water pollution in the country,” claims the report.

DUBLIN’s first skyscraper, the infamous €200m U2 Tower, is set to become a reality with the band announcing internationally renowned Brit Norman Foster as its architect. Making it sound suspiciously like a Dr Evil-esque lair where Bono can continue his plans for world domination, the group plan to have an egg-shaped recording studio suspended above the building’s roof as well as residential accommodation, thought to be for Bono’s army of butlers.
Foster, who is responsible for the Gherkin in London, said: “It will also provide visitors the opportunity to experience spectacular views across Dublin city and bay, and for the community offers significant social and affordable housing potential.”

CUBAN crumpet Eva Mendes says she loves being naked so much, she even does her gardening in the buff…
Mendes says she’s so comfortable in her own perfectly bronzed skin that she gets green-fingered in the nude. We’ve heard of ladies who like to look after their bush but this is putting a whole new spin on things.
With half the male population now clambering to become her neighbour, Eva said: “I love being naked. I do everything in the nude, even the gardening! We’re Cuban, and it’s a hot island. Why not go nude?”
However, the sex siren reckons she wasn’t so comfortable stripping off for sex scene in her latest flick We Own the Night, and even had to get drunk to go through with it. She added: “It was tough. That morning I was so nervous that the director was like, ‘Why don’t you put a little vodka in your orange juice?’ So I did. It took the edge off.”

PILLARS of class Jordan and Peter Andre are at it again, revealing yet more than we could ever care to know about their sex lives. Jordan, who we’re assuming never made it through finishing school, told us that their sex life is like something out of the film Hostel, Pete has decided to get in on the act. He said: “Katie is a filthy bitch and I’m her temptation.
“Everybody has fantasies and when it comes to sexual ones, when you close your bedroom door and it’s just you and your partner, anything goes.” Wait till when (or if) the kids can read.

MINIATURE minx Eva Longoria is to star as a sexy school inspector in latest film. In the best thing to happen to the education system in years, the perfectly formed Desperate Housewives star will join American Pie’s Jason Biggs for the flick Lower Learning and will be a vast improvement on Superintendent Chalmers.
The Latina lovely will play an inspector investigating a school with the lowest test scores in the state. Meanwhile, Eva has also been banned from getting pregnant by Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry after co-star Marcia Cross’ pregnancy caused havoc with the show’s storylines.
Eva said: “(Husband Tony Parker) and I are excited about a family, but because Marc has forbidden me to get pregnant this year, we’re going to spend time as a married couple.”

BARMY Britney Spears is set to turn to Michael Jackson for parenting advice. Going to Jacko for advice on children, a bit like asking OJ Simpson for the secret of a successful marriage. Perhaps his helpful hints on how to get kids to drink “Jesus Juice” and watch porn will help Britney in her custody battle.
The queen of calamity lost custody of her two children thanks to her crazy antics and partying, and now wants Jacko’s advice on how to keep the children despite being a clearly unfit parent.
A source said: “Michael Jackson went through a whole lot of trouble, including being tried and cleared of child molestation. But he always managed to keep custody of his children.” V

AMY WINEHOUSE’S dad was so sure his drug-addicted daughter was going to die of an overdose earlier this year he prepared a speech for her funeral. Amy was admitted to a London hospital in August after taking a cocktail of drugs.
Dad Mitch, not one for tempting fate, wrote his speech because he feared Winehouse would not survive.
He said: “I wrote a eulogy for Amy myself last month. When she had her seizure and was taken to hospital, I really thought that could be it.”
He also said he blamed his daughter’s husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, for her downfall.
“The doctors told us even a whiff of another drug could kill her. When I found out Blake had given her more drugs, I couldn’t believe it. It was as bad as someone holding a gun to my daughter’s head.” Not exactly the doctor son-in-law you were hoping for then Mitch?

FAT dancer Robbie Williams has become obsessed with his weight, because the British press have left him mentally scarred with their tongue-in-cheek jibes.
The increasingly insecure housewife’s hero is obsessed with counting the calories and trying to stay in shape after being wittily labelled Blobby Williams by the red top tabloids. Really Robbie, if you can’t take jibes like that, maybe you should reconsider your unrivalled obsession with constantly being in the public eye.
Showing he’s still as mentally stable as ever, Garry Barlow’s former fluffer has been on a diet of sugar free ice lollies since blowing up like a balloon after leaving Take That.
According to US actress Suzanne Coppin, who had a fling with Robbie in August: “His freezer was huge but all that seemed to be in it were these ice lollies. He said he ate them all the time as they didn’t make him fat.
“He knows the calorie content off by heart of every single thing he puts in his mouth and is addicted to eating these lollies.”

BULLET-RIDDLED 50 Cent has admitted that his bad-to-the-bone lyrics are all a bunch of bullshit.
Fiddy told a bunch of high school kids in the States he doesn’t hate cops, doesn’t take drugs and hinted his feud with Kanye West was nothing but a cynical marketing strategy. He said: “I say in one of my songs I hate cops, but I don’t hate cops. I’m expressing the feelings of a young boy who sees the cops take his brother away, and hates them for it.”
As for the Kanye West ‘beef’: “His label and my label are both owned by Universal Music Group.” Fiddy further damaged his gangsta reputation by admitting he spends Saturday nights at home reading Jilly Cooper novels and drinking Lambrini.

ADOPTION happy Angelina Jolie and ultimate ladies’ man George Clooney have been named as the world’s greatest super-couple – though a certain Mr Pitt is not too happy about it. Jolie’s portrayal of Lara Croft in Tomb Raider, along with Clooney’s role as Batman in the God-awful Batman and Robin, saw the pair named as the most lusted-after superwoman and superman by film fans. Jolie fought off stiff competition from Jessica Alba’s performance as Sue Storm in the Fantastic Four franchise. Clooney won by a landslide in the superman section.

SOON-to-be-obscure or dead Lindsay Lohan is broke after blowing her $7 million fortune on drugs and alcohol - at least she didn’t waste it. LiLo, whose super sexy performance in Mean Girls is nothing but a distant memory, has just left Utah’s Cirque Lodge rehab clinic and is staying with movie producer Tom Gores in LA - because she is flat broke.
A source said: “Lindsay doesn’t have much choice as she is totally broke. The only reason she’s coming back to Los Angeles is to try and get some film work and earn some money fast. The amount she has wasted putting cocaine up her nose is disgusting. Even she has lost count.”
Lindsay’s loopy spending is said to include a $1 million splurge on just one hotel bill.
Other than that she has also spent more than $137,000 on three separate stints in rehab, thousands of dollars in legal fees after her conviction for driving under the influence, more than $1 million on clothes, $500,000 on partying, with another $70,000 spent in tanning and hair salons.

MICHAEL’S older brother Jermaine Jackson claims he’s so skint he’s had to move in with him mum, and can’t afford to pay child support for his kids. The Jackson Five flop has been pleading poverty in his ongoing divorce battle with his estranged wife Alejandra, which is part of his greater quest to make Mike seem that little less pathetic in comparison.
Alejandra claims that she’s desperate for cash, and lives on £40 a month with their two kids. But Jermaine is standing firm saying he can’t afford to pay, especially with the Jackson family funds being ploughed into little brother’s continuing court cases.
Jackson maintains: “I currently do not have any employment and I do not have any income from which to pay support.”
Just to prove the Jacksons really are a twisted bunch, Alejandra has a further two children with Jermaine’s brother, Randy – with uncles like that, expect to see the poor mites on Jerry Springer very soon.

BRAD PITT claims being drunk all the time made him a neglectful dad, although the fact that the majority of his kids don’t actually belong to him probably contributed. Having seen his adopted daughter Zahara choke on an ice cube, Pitt decided to cut down on the booze. He certainly doesn’t need beer-goggles when his other half is in the mood. He said: “It’s not easy to be a good father when you’ve had a few drinks.
“About a year ago I’d had a couple of beers and my daughter Zahara had this piece of ice that had been dropped on the floor, and she was putting it in her mouth and began to choke on it, and that was it.
“You can’t deal with children when you have a hangover - that’s just a misery!”
Brad and his missus Angelina Jolie have three adopted children: six-year-old Maddox, three-year-old Pax, and two year-old Zahara, as well as a 16-month-old biological daughter, Shiloh. With that many kids, you can’t blame him for turning to the booze.

LONG-in-the-tooth yet still probably shaggable Jerry Hall is to get £1 million for writing a warts-and-all book about her marriage to Mick Jagger.
A source from the book’s publishers HarperCollins said: “The book takes a candid look at Jerry Hall’s experiences as a young model from Gonzales, Texas, her marriage to Mick Jagger and her life in the rock’n’roll fast lane. It will be an explosive read.”
Jerry and Jagger began dating in 1977, while she was engaged to Bryan Ferry, and married in 1990. The pair divorced when promiscuous Mick fathered a child with Brazilian model Luciana Morad.
Keef Richards was said to be panicked about the revelations, before being reminded it was Mick, and not him, who was married to Hall.

UGLY Spice Mel C has started eating special Japanese cookies in an attempt to make her boobs bigger for the Spice Girls reunion tour.
Stuffing a pair of Scary’s socks down her bra, Mel said of the new “F-Cup cookies”: “I’ll be a guinea-pig for them, can you imagine if my boobs got bigger suddenly? That’d be great.” Well, anything to take the attention off her face and remind audiences that she is actually female.

CHARDONNAY-SIPPING culture-vulture Liam Gallagher has been voted the tenth wittiest Brit ever in a new poll.
Disproving criticisms that Britain is somehow dumbing down, the Oasis frontman, made it onto the list thanks to his regular rants about rival bands, pointless celebrities and just about every other subject under the sun.
In the poll for new TV station Channel Dave, over 3,000 comedy fans put the simian singer on the list, which also included some of Britain’s greatest writers and politicians, including Oscar Wilde and Winston Churchill. Perhaps a recount is in order.
Some of Liam’s more articulate quotes include: “I suppose I do get sad, but not for too long. I just look in the mirror and go, ‘What a fucking good-looking fucker you are.’ And then I brighten up.” And of course: “Americans want grungy people, stabbing themselves in the head on stage. They get a bright bunch like us, with deodorant on, they don’t get it.”
In other news, Damon Albarn is expected to be voted the world’s most humble man and Keith Richards the healthiest man in music.

GUITAR legend Eric Clapton, has admitted he had a misspent youth stealing from shops and wildly “demolishing” train carriages.
Suppose it was some early training for his years of trashing hotel rooms and fleecing mini-bars.
In his new autobiography, the strummer recalls: “We’d get on a train, choose an empty compartment and demolish it.
”We would smash mirrors, tear down the maps, cut the luggage nets with our penknives then get up hooting with laughter.”
George also admitted he was jealous of George Harrison - so nicked his wife, model Pattie Boyd.
He added: “I coveted Pattie because she belonged to a powerful man who seemed to have everything I wanted - amazing cars, an incredible career and a beautiful wife.” Funny how you waited until he was dead to bring that one up Eric.

MINIATURE pop guru Prince has asked semi-conscious smackhead/soul singer Amy Winehouse to work with him on new material.
The blues queen is said to be made up at the invitation from his Purpleness, who wants her to work on a collaboration after Christmas, if she hasn’t gone all Jim Morrison by then. Last month, Winehouse made a surprise appearance at the after-show party for the final night of Prince’s residency at the O2 arena in London, performing with him there – although this is the musical equivalent of Dean Gaffney making a surprise appearance at Robert De Niro’s new film and agreeing to give a cameo.
A source said: “He is a big fan of Amy and enjoyed performing with her in London recently, he was eager for them to work together sooner rather than later. So he just gave her a call and invited her out to the US.
“Of course, Amy was delighted and jumped at the chance to work with him. You don’t turn down Prince.”

MODEL citizen Snoop Dogg will have to pick up rubbish in a Californian park after his latest brush with the law.
The notorious Crips’ member has been sentenced to 160-hours community service after trying to get on a plane with a collapsible truncheon in his bag – which surprisingly caught the attention of security officials. Who would have thunk it?
Snoop will be based at the Orange County park and duties will include picking up litter, raking leaves, painting benches, selling blunts to kids and, of course, generally keeping it real. His attorney Donald Etra said: “He will do whatever it takes. He will be making the park a better place for Orange Country. Snoop has never pretended to be other than a man of the people.”

WASTE of sperm Pete Doherty reckons he’s at a “turning point” in his battle against drug addiction.
After his latest stint in rehab, the Babyshambles frontman and good argument for eugenics says he thinks he can finally beat his demons for good.
After getting clean, Doherty has moved to Wiltshire to remain near the rehab centre that treated him, and has been reconciled with his estranged dad after three years apart - next thing you know he’ll start making decent music again and will turn up for his own gigs.
Doherty said: “In the last eight years, I’ve never been that long without drugs. I’m not going to lie and say it’s not a struggle, because it is.
“But, in a way, I’m quite proud to be able to admit it, particularly for my mum and dad… These last few months have been a turning point.”

NEW ORDER defector Peter Hook has signed up Liam Gallagher, Ian Brown and Echo And The Bunnymen frontman Ian McCulloch for his new supergroup. We’re imagining the after parties for their gigs aren’t going to be for the faint-hearted.
Bassist Hook controversially announced New Order had split up earlier in the year – but didn’t bother to tell the rest of the band.
Since then he has formed his own supergroup called Free Bass, along with former Smiths man Mikey Rourke and Primal Scream’s Mani.
Proving things are never simple in the world of Mr Hook, the trio have decided against having a full-time frontman, and instead have recruited a few big names to sing certain tracks. The group are thought to be releasing an album early next year, providing they can find a studio big enough to house all the over-inflated egos.

FRESH doubt has been cast over the future of Razorlight after rampant egotist Johnny Borrell told friends he wants to dump the band to make an acoustic album with other artists. The reformed smackhead, who once claimed to be: “A genius - musically, culturally, everything,” has already played a number of solo gigs, but has now set the wheels in motion for his own LP.
A source said: “Johnny knows he has a solo career ahead. People say he’s got the stage presence of someone like Mick Jagger and it’s gone to his head.
“He’s already in talks with other musicians about his solo career and the rest of the band are preparing for a change.” Another insider added: “It’s been on the cards for a while because no one can stand working with him.
“The band are on the brink of splitting up – everybody just wants to move on now.”
We’re sure no one is hoping it all goes tits up and he fall flat on his arrogant face.

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I know I should have been out for a walk, or a ride on my bike but I really wanted to go and see ‘The Brave One’…so I did!

I met up with Laura and Brendan from the Bay and after the film (which incidentally was great) we headed down Bay St to the Beach and had some lunch.

The weather is awsome!