.: Cath’s Blog:.

The Fratellis - Henrietta

I am totally addicted to this song…I have been playing it full blast in my car all week poluting the streets of Doha.

Makes me just want to rock out. Plus they are from Glasgow…that’s always a bonus.

With us having only friday’s off I don’t really know what to do with myself.

Apart from the fact that it’s Ramadan (and everywhere is closed), even more closed than normal friday’s where most places are closed. It’s frustrating.

I haven’t been sleeping well so I decided to be majorly sad and go into work…actually got lots done.

I spent most of the evening hanging out with Jess sooping up her computer and she did my tax return. Mairz came over and we watched Green Wing. Hardly felt like a day off.

Here are some cartoons which made me laugh this week…

Tonight the lads had arranged a pajama party which they ingeniously called ‘pajama**n’ (use your imagination). I made the invite for them using this template (see above). I had made it for another event that we haven’t gotten round to have yet, so you may see it again. It pretty much looks like where I live. Cats scrounging in the bins, broken fences and sand coloured building, sand in the air…sand everywhere. Oh and our green car.

I had a great morning, meeting the deadline that I had been given to submit the Emergency Plan for review. It was great to see it bound and to hand it over to my boss. A big relief…even though I know I still have tons to do.

My evening wasn’t so good, got some news that extremely pissed me off, so I ended up on the couch upset and angry and didn’t go out to the party.

Anyway, sorry this is late, but here is a copy of the video I made for Big Dogs Birthday Party…was so much fun.

Since it’s Ramadan I have been taking onboard new phrases and of course adjusting from our normal day-to-day activities.

One of the guy’s in our office is pretty cool, his name is Tariq. He walked into the office today and said ‘Sabah al khair’ which is basically translated as ‘morning of good’ (we say good morning). He told me you could say anything really nice after Sabah al…such as yasmien (which means Jasmin) or noor (which means light).

I went on to say Sabah al Kit Kat! He looked at me rather oddly! I don’t blame him after all, I am a bit odd!

Anyway, we have all had to make some adjustments in the office. My friend emailed me and asked me how Ramadan affected me? I told her…

• No tea boy to bring me a brew at my desk
• No eating or drinking in public (we have to cram into the break room)
• They take this seriously…no drinking water, even in the boiling heat, no chewing gum and no smoking!
• Before sundown the roads are sooooo quiet, then they all come out. You know when you don’t eat and you go a bit crazy? Well people drive like lunatics on the roads at the best times…with them not eating it’s car crash central.
• NOWHERE sells Alcohol (AT ALL). We stocked up so we didn’t get left dry!!
• Our workday is now 8am – 2pm.

I did however forget to tell her…

• No shops are open until the sundown.

To be honest it’s not too bad. We are stocked up with food and have a secret stash of chocolate for when we are going a bit loopy but it could be so much worse, at least our break room is comfortable and we can sit down. I am sure other companies expect all their staff to fast.

110 days to go!

My friend, Michael ‘Big Dog/Yetti’ Rawlings has been doing a daily poll which give so many of us a daily dose of the giggles.

His topics have been…

• Are men better drivers than women?
• What is the best day for a celebration?
• What is the best day of the week?
• Who is better looking…Superman, Batman or the Increddible Hulk?
• Who is the best looking female superhero?
• What is the best way to have potatoes?
• How many Fredo Frogs would you have in a day?
• How often should there be a poll?
• Is love dead?
• Which kitchen utensil is the most multifunctional?
• Where is the best place to spend a long weekend while living in the Middle East?
• Who would win a mascot fight to the death between Orry (DOHA 2006), Karak (M2006), Neve & Gliz (Torino), World Cup Willie (World Cup ‘66)?
• If you went to the moon, what would be the first thing you would do?
• Oryx’s…?
• Do pick up lines really work or do they make you look stupid?
• Where is the best place to swim?
• Is the Roast Pork better than the crackling?
• What is the best way to break the fast?
• Can sport be classed as a religion?
• Who would win in a fight to the death between Richard Guyre, 6 foot 2 American from NJ and a 6 foot 2 Aligator on land?
• What was Steve Irwins favourite animal/reptile?
• Would you Streak?
• Was Australia robbed in the World Cup?
• Is the term ‘What happens on holiday stays on holiday’ expected to be followed?
• What Uniform is better on my floor?

His poll started with 18 people and now has a whopping 51 people.

Here are the results for his poll for ‘What Uniform is better?’…

Hey There Pollsters,

Unfortunately due to test event requirements, the poll was unable to be sent over the past two day.  My apologies to all.

This was an interesting poll.  The results were amazingly close.  It seems that the most popular uniform is the Fire Fighters uniform.  One voter said “Why do you think we used to live across the road from a fire station!!?? Obsessed!!”  Another pollster stated that “Out of the responses it has to be Fire Fighter, as they are HOT! With there Big jackets, Bare Chests, Big mussels, among other Big things!!!!  Although I did have a thing for boys in School uniforms the other week”.  One voter for the Gorilla Suit said “What guy doesn’t want his chick to be an absolute animal in bed?”  The military certainly got a good showing, with one person saying that “Everyone loves a sailor”, with another voter saying “Sailor is the best of the choices provided, but I have to say that military dress uniform (any branch) is the best….”  Tracksuit pants received a few votes.  One person voted for the Tracksuit pants, saying “…especially when tracksuits pants are the uniform”.  Mind you, according to the votes, many are happy just to have the uniform on their floor…

As usual the graph of results is below.

Michael, these are so much fun, keep them going…which sicko likes School Uniforms on their floor? …and in the holy month of Ramadan!

Good news for fans of Action Man, the original plastic figure is returning 22 years after it was shelved and reinvented as an eco-warrior. This of course means that a new generation of kids can mimic the actions of our well-behaved troops in Iraq with the muscular 12-inch solider. Coinciding with the toy’s 40th anniversary American maker Hasbro has given a UK fan an exclusive licence to recreate the original doll design. Counting his wad of cash Alan Hall, who is selling the replicas for £20 from his Modeller’s Loft shop in Surrey, said: “People all over the world are buying them.”

If you’re taking a swim in Blighty don’t be surprised if you see a shark or a crocodile seeing as there have been more than 10,000 sightings of wild and exotic animals in the UK in the past five years alone. According to Beastwatch UK, climate change, zoo thefts and animal escapes are all contributing to the rise in the unusual wildlife. Mainly reported were 5,391 sightings of big cats, 3,389 shark sightings as well as 51 reports of wallabies, 10 crocodile sightings, as well as three pandas and a penguin being spotted. There’s also a rise in the number of black widow and tarantula spiders being seen. Beastwatch Founder Chris Mullins said: “There’s far more exotic animals in the UK than people imagine.”

Quality airline EasyJet have been made to look like the bunch of incompetent muppets that they really are after allowing a 29-year-old man to fly from Heathrow to Amsterdam on his 2-year-old daughter’s passport. Mark Coshever of Rayleigh, Essex, had picked up his kid’s passport by mistake but only realised the error when he arrived in Amsterdam. He told a newspaper: “I was shocked that I could fly to a major international airport on a child’s passport. It would be bad enough at the best of times. But after recent events you would think airline staff would be checking everything really thoroughly.”

In an act of total hypocrisy, a deluded arms giant has revealed plans to make their weapons more enviro-friendly and less harmful to humans. British BAE Systems claims that it wants to make “quieter” warheads, “eco-friendly” rockets, remove the lead out of bullets, produce explosives that can be composted and manufacture grenades that produce less harmful smoke. Despite the fact that guns are only made to kill people, the company claims they want to make the changes because bullets with lead “can harm the environment and pose a risk to people”. Attempting to keep a straight face Campaign Against Arms Trade spokesman Symon Hill said: “This is laughable. They make weapons to kill people. It’s utterly ridiculous.”

If you like listening to a bit of Beethoven chances are you also enjoy toking on a Cannabis joint according to researchers at the University of Leicester. The study, which involved questioning 2,500 people about their musical tastes and drug habits, showed that while classical music fans like to share some weed with friends, opera lovers prefer to sample magic mushrooms. Unsurprisingly DJ lovers took the most drugs, depressed blues fans were found to be far more likely to have received a driving penalty and hip hop enthusiasts were inclined to have multiple sex partners. Turning up his Snoop Dogg, Dr Adrian North said: “It comes out in the study that, in these types of music, fans score worse in various behaviours, such as criminality, sexual promiscuity and drug use.”

A 103-year-old workhorse has declared that he is the oldest worker in Blighty. Since the age of 12, Jim Webber has been working as a gardener and has clocked up 91 years since then – never taking a holiday. Without fail the potty pensioner turns up in all weather to tend a half-acre garden at his local pub and refuses to charge more than £3 an hour. When asked by people when he’s going to retire and lead the good life he jokes: “When I get old.”

Two sly, grease-loving mothers who were smuggling fast food to kids in protest to healthy eating policies have been made to stop by the school. Showing a total disregard for their children’s health, Julie Critchlow and Sam Walker had been taking fast food orders from pupils at Rawmarsh Community School, in Rotherham, South Yorkshire and passing burgers, jacket potatoes and sandwiches through the school fence. Passing a pie and chips through to an 8-year-old Julie whispered: “We just want our kids to have a choice. It’s got nothing to do with healthy eating. We’re not against healthy eating. “Kids are not eating what they are providing and so they’re stuck in there starving. “It started with me bringing stuff for my kids and then escalated until we’re in this position.”

In news that is sure to have the majority of us rushing home to Blighty, the number of prisoners being set free from life sentences has trebled in five years according to new figures. In 2000 the number of cons being released early was 125, yet last year a shocking 351 were set free. This means that in the last five years we’ve had 1,500 dangerous men let out into the community – 26 of which went on to rape or murder again. Furious Tory MP David Davies shouted: “The public is being failed by a system which allows murderers and rapists back on to the streets to commit more offences. “A life sentence should mean what it says. But at the moment it just means a few years watching television in a comfortable cell.”

Despite the fact that it was sponsored by Specsavers a distraught 7-year-old was banned from playing a football league game because he was wearing glasses. Devastated Daniel Ison was left in floods of tears when mean-hearted coaches at the West Pier Under 8s team told him that he had to lose the glasses or leave. The “should have gone to Specsavers” slogan sporting team said that it is an FA rule that has nothing to do with them. Daniel’s dad, David, 43, said: “I took him along last week to ask if he could join and the guy said that would be fine. “But when we returned this week, he was told he would have to take his glasses off.”

The recipient of the world’s first penis transplant has asked to have it removed because of psychological problems. Surgeons had attached the 4 inch manhood onto the 44-year-old man from a brain-dead patient half his age and said that it had a rich blood supply and allowed him to urinate within 10 days of the complex 15 hour op. However, the organ was removed after a mere 14 days due to “a severe psychological problem with the recipient and his wife.”

Proving just how shit the level of health care has become back home is the news that a young mum, who had just given birth, was left sitting in a pool of blood for more than three hours because the maternity staff were overstretched. Exhausted Miriam Grice was forced to fend for herself after giving birth to baby Sophie and resorted to calling her mother to come in and help her. Even though she gave birth at 10.40am she was left in the delivery suite until 3pm when her mum came in and helped her clean up and move to a post-natal ward in Leeds’ St James’s Hospital. There were only two midwives on duty to tend to 26 new mums. The mother-of-two said: “I feel let down by St James’s or the NHS generally but I don’t feel let down by the individual midwives. “There were two midwives during the day and two during the night. It was chaos. One of the midwives was nearly in tears she was so distraught.”

Put away your vibrator, throw away your butt plug because a new study has shown that sex toys can be bad for your health. Commissioned by Durex, Greenpeace Netherlands has found that 7 out of 8 sex toys contain high levels of chemicals that can cause infertility in women. According to their research it’s the “phthalates” that soften the plastics that can be toxic and make up between a half and a quarter of sex aids like dildos and vibrators. And even if you want a kid about as much as Victoria Beckham wants a decent meal you should still be weary as lab tests showed that rats exposed to high levels of phthalates suffered damage to their liver, kidneys, lungs and testicles. Toxic campaigner Bart van Opzeeland said: “It’s incredible that this substance can still be used in toys for adults.”

Sensing that his TV career may well be on the demise, bitchy Graham Norton has had a fair enough pop at sanctimonious tool Bono. Adding the U2 frontman to his list of A-listers that he’s offended, which includes the likes of Angelina Jolie and Michael Douglas, Gray bitched out his fellow Irish man for tax dodging. Ripping up his copy of How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb the chat show host fumed: “People like Bono really annoy me. He goes to hell and back to avoid paying tax. He has a special accountant. He works out Irish tax loopholes. And then he’s asking me to buy a well for an African village. “Tarmac the road outside your house, you tight-wad! Or pay for a school in Ireland.” Realising that he has a show that relies on celebrity guests to stay afloat he added: “If I do meet him I’ll ask him because I think it’s a hard thing to justify.”

Barren women in Northern Ireland have been celebrating with the news that the maximum age for women to get fertility treatment is to be raised to 39. The news also means that eligible couples will also be allowed one publicly-funded IVF course in a bid to get up the duff. Northern Ireland Health Minister Paul Goggins said: “Couples with diagnosed infertility will no longer be subject to a qualifying period before receiving publicly-funded fertility treatment. Also, the upper age limit for a female partner using her own eggs will be increased from 37 to 39, and those couples with dependent children living with them will be able to access publicly funded fertility services.” Since 2001 a whopping £1.4 million has been spent on fertility treatment every year.

Taking a back seat for once, Bono has let his wife Ali Hewson do the promotional work for the launch of their new “lifesaving” t-shirt. The $40 T – of which a mere $10 from the RRP will be donated to charity – has just been launched around the world to help the AIDS suffers in the remote African village of Butha-Buthe in Lesotho. Despite the fact that the pair of them have enough money stashed up (around £440 million) to wipe out most of the Third World debt, they believe that selling these t-shirts is the way to help the African people. Chastising minimum wage earners for not being charitable enough, multi-millionaress Ali said: “A T-shirt can change the world of Butha-Buthe. And that’s a start.”

Proving that the red hot summer is well and truly over back in Ireland is the news that the Met Office are warning of tropical storms over the next few days. Due to Hurricane Gordon heading our way, currently in the mid-Atlantic, we should apparently all be expecting prolonged rain, muggy temperatures and strong winds. Offering what is probably the best advice ever to come from the Met Office, forecasters are advising people to check the local weather reports.

Controversial grandma Madonna is set to be one of the first celebrities to head off into space. Following her much publicised gig in Russia earlier this month, the ageing icon has been in talks with the Russian Space Agency to get a spot on one of the first tourist flights into the galaxy and it looks like she’ll be able to do it. Dancing around inanely to Into The Groove an excited spokesman for the organisation told the Daily Mirror: “Taking into account her good physical preparedness and financial capabilities, her dream of a space flight could be realised in 2009.” Of course it doesn’t hurt that she’s rolling in money and will lay down a fair amount of cash for the privilege.

Walking anorexia warning Keira Knightley has somehow managed to be voted the world’s greatest ever movie starlet. According to a vital survey conducted by Yahoo! Entertainment, 1,600 movie fans were asked to name their favourite female movie star of all time and they chose waiflike Keira over everyone else. The 21-year-old Pirates Of The Caribbean star managed to beat off competition from fellow stick insect Scarlett Johansson and classic favourite Judy Garland in the film poll. Mistakenly believing that her job has any importance at all a poll spokeswoman said: “A starlet is an actress who people instantly think of as being young, vivacious, stylish, popular and - most of all - talented. Scarlett may be the talk of Tinseltown but it’s Keira’s class that leads the pack.”

Part-time footballer, full-time model, David Beckham has declared that he loves it when his wife wears his footie shirts around the house. Appearing on Chris Moyle’s Radio 1 show the recently dropped England player said: “Victoria looks great in my kit.” To which Moyles quipped: “If she turns up for breakfast in bed wearing one of your shirts it must drive you potty!” “It doesn’t get better,” squeaked David. Seeing as he has little need to wear his kit now it seems only right that someone should get some use out of it.

Has-been director Mr Madonna, aka Guy Ritchie, has been fighting with his wife over Scrabble. Apparently the sore loser has now declared that he will no longer play with Madge because she is so competitive. Despite the fact that she was once known for having fun whipping off her clothes, cavorting with lesbian lovers and performing oral sex on water bottles, she now likes nothing better than marathon Scrabble sessions with her hubby while she’s on tour. Locking up the games cupboard a source said: “Madonna doesn’t like losing at anything. She and Guy were taking on each other every night at Scrabble and Madonna was taking it far too seriously.”

Not so Ordinary Boy Preston has trashed his hotel room after some prescribed sleeping pills turned him into a “hypnotic zombie.” According to his loose-lipped friends the singer has been secretly addicted to the high-strength insomnia tablets for the past three years and his bandmates are said to be encouraging him to take a fashionable holiday in The Priory. The newlywed woke up in his hotel room to discover cuts on his face and blood on his pillow and was shocked to find that his suite had been trashed. A trusty source told The Sun: “Preston was amazed when he found blood on his pillow and saw what he had done to the room. “He must have been sleep walking because he has no idea what happened. The pills can turn people into hypnotic zombies — that’s what must have happened.”

Cheeky scamp George Clooney has started some saucy rumours in LA LA Land after giving a waiter a £50 tip as a joke apology for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie having sex in the loos. The couple had been dining at hip eating spot Cut when they “just so happened” to get up to go to the toilet at the same time. Desperate to be the centre of attention George then poked fun at their suspicious departure and handed the waiter the cash saying it was “in case diners heard wild animal noises.”

Life-sized inflatable doll Jordan has been seriously insulted by a diner who mistook her for a lowly waitress. The 34FF 28-year-old was at the Dorchester Hotel for a posh party in London when an Arab man asked her to hold the door open for him and his party. Despite the fact that she was dressed in a revealing leopard print dress and chugging booze the man was convinced she was a hotel employee. A spy told The Mirror said: “Jordan was outraged, she isn’t used to holding doors open for anyone.”

Another celebrity to jump on the “Steve Irwin really influenced my life” bandwagon is Jackass Johnny Knoxville who has declared that he was shaken by the croc hunter’s death. However, the serial ball basher has said that he remains defiant about performing death defying stunts – such as getting himself savaged by guard dogs – and will not let Steve’s death scare him off. Clearly seizing on an opportunity to plug his Jackass 2 sequel he ranted about how he is determined to continue his madcap stunts. Gazing dreamily at his massive bank balance he said: “Steve’s death hasn’t made me have second thoughts about Jackass.”

Sex fiend Steve Coogan has been snubbed by socialite slapper Paris Hilton after he begged for an hour to be let into her Hollywood home. The Alan Partridge ladies’ man, who is in LA to try to sell his BBC comedy shows to the Yanks, spent the night buying drinks for the heiress and Kimberly Stewart and thought he was onto a winner when they said they were leaving. However, the middle aged reject took a cab to Hitlon’s pad to try to persuade her to let him in but she was having none of it. A source close to her said: “She wouldn’t touch him if he was the last man on Earth.”

Curve loving Penelope Cruz has revealed that she felt so womanly wearing a false bottom on the set of her new movie that she didn’t want to leave home without it. During filming of Volver the Spanish actress felt so attached to her new butt that she claims she became addicted to it and wanted to wear the false padding forever. Jealously gazing at her picture of J-Lo Penelope said: “I couldn’t leave the set. I did not want to take my false ass off. “There was an emotional attachment. I was a disaster for two months. I was unbearable.”

Serial wife swapper Jude Law has announced that he’s terrified of looking old and desperately wants to play the lead in some romantic comedies before he loses his looks. The ageing Adonis said that he’s now trying to snag a romantic lead before his wrinkles become unsightly. Rubbing some Oil of Olay Regenerist Cream into his face Jude said: “I used to turn them down, but now all that’s changed. “I’ve turned 33 and I’m desperate to be a Romeo. I’m just trying to hold onto looking young.”

Plastic Essex man Jack Tweedy - toy boy of Miss Piggy impersonator Jade Goody - has been banned from using his girlfriend’s credit card. The 19-year-old football agent had used her card to buy himself shedloads of designer gear and fund a big night out – where he allegedly got it on with a glamour model who sold her story to the tabloids about their night of passion. So Jade has put a stop to his cash flow. An insider said: “Jade believes Jack’s version of events that nothing happened, but with all the money he spends on clothes, she has decided to hit him in the pocket instead.”

Mad midget Tom Cruise has had his lawyer threaten legal action after a porn producer has claimed that a man tried to sell him an account of his affair with the Hollywood star. Headline chasing Paul Barresi allegedly published a chapter of his new book on his website and in it he claimed that an anonymous man had attempted to sell him an account of a gay affair with Scientology spokesman Tom Crusie. Excitedly picturing himself and Tom rolling around naked in heaps of cash, Cruise’s lawyer Bert Fields said he is investigating legal recourse to get the “utterly, 100-per-cent false” account removed from Barresi’s website, and insists that he will sue if the chapter is ever published in a book. Talking to MSNBC.com he fumed: “If Mr. Barresi were to publish what we have seen on that website, I absolutely would recommend appropriate legal action against both Mr. Barresi and the publisher.”

The woman once capable of independent thought, Katie Holmes, has apparently been having second thoughts about saying “I do” to Scientology enthusiast Tom Cruise. According to the ever-reliable Sunday Mirror the brainwashed actress has been telling friends that she is concerned over marrying the mad midget – regardless of the fact that she gave birth to his daughter earlier this year. Confirming what we’ve all been saying all along she allegedly told a friend: “I don’t have my own life any more. I’m not comfortable.” Another source also claimed that the pair had already planned and cancelled two wedding ceremonies this year. Counting their cash from their tabloid story they continued: “The wedding dress is bought, Tom’s two adopted kids from his marriage to Nicole Kidman will be there, but just where and when is up in the air. Katie is nervous about making a commitment to Tom and the early excitement of their love affair has worn off.”

Showing that she doesn’t discriminate between fellow celebs and family members over who she is a bitch to Lindsay Lohan has left her mum in tears at her birthday bash. The Mean Girls “actress” had treated her mum to a meal at posh New York restaurant Philippe when she started to launch a torrent of abuse at her. Despite the fact that it was her mum’s day Lindsay thought the time was right to have a public war of words. Proving that she is indeed mature for her age, Lindsay ran out the party after screaming: “Go to hell!”

Controversial grandma Madonna is set to be one of the first celebrities to head off into space. Following her much publicised gig in Russia earlier this month, the ageing icon has been in talks with the Russian Space Agency to get a spot on one of the first tourist flights into the galaxy and it looks like she’ll be able to do it. Dancing around inanely to Into The Groove an excited spokesman for the organisation told the Daily Mirror: “Taking into account her good physical preparedness and financial capabilities, her dream of a space flight could be realised in 2009.” Of course it doesn’t hurt that she’s rolling in money and will lay down a fair amount of cash for the privilege.

Providing further truth that her creative talents are dwindling is the news that Waynetta Spears has called her new baby Sutton Pierce so that he has the same initials as his brother. Worried that she would also forget her new sprog’s birthday it’s also reported that the singer had wanted to have her caesarean two days later than she did have it so that her new son would have the same birthday as Sean Preston.

Clearly relishing a good bitch slap from his girlfriend Justin Trousersnake has implied that his current squeeze Cameron Diaz is copying his ex Waynetta Spears. Showing an intricate level of understanding of the female psyche well beyond his years the naïve lad decided to comment on Cameron’s newly brunette locks over dinner in New York’s fancy Ciao Bella restaurant. According to a source: “Justin said to Cameron that brown hair had become a trend since Britney dyed hers, basically accusing her of following in his ex’s footsteps. Needless to say Cam wasn’t best pleased.”

Camp singer Jake Shears has revealed that he thinks twinkle toed Wayne Rooney is “totally hot”. The Scissor Sisters frontman wrote in The Sun’s Bizarre page that he thought Roo was a sexy beast, making the ugly-as-sin striker the butt of all changing room jokes. Apparently, when he arrived for training on the weekend, the lads had left a copy of the newspaper open on the Bizarre page and Rio Ferdinand started singing Filthy/Gorgeous at his teammate. Other players then started doing limp-wristed hand gestures and putting on camp accents when talking to the red-faced lad. A source laughed: “Wayne knew he was in for a torrid time before he came into training. Rio and the boys were cracking up when they read about his new admirer. There was no chance Wayne was going to be let off lightly.

Forgotten Flop Idol Michelle McManus has hit back at Elton John after he pointed out that she is now a has-been. Bitchy Elton told the Daily Mirror that he hated shows like Pop Idol and X Factor because of the way that the “talent” is treated. He said: “They’re given an awful sense of stardom and pressure straight away but are only successful until the next series. “The record companies sell a lot of records and those people are gone. It’s f***ing cruel. Look at Michelle McManus. She’s a really good singer and now she’s forgotten.” However, the 21-stone warbler hit back saying that she doesn’t regret winning Pop Idol and is not embarrassed about being dropped by her record label. Choking back the tears she gulped: “I found it a really positive experience and a great opportunity. The music industry can be cruel and to survive you’ve got to be focused, determined and confident.”

Schoolgirl DJ Peaches Geldof has been forced to pull out of another gig because her dad has slapped her with a curfew. This comes just one week after Sir Bob forbid his daughter from attending another gig because it fell on a school night. The 17-year-old socialite was fuming when she had to call up hours before she was due to attend the Westfield London Fashion Week party in West London and tell them she couldn’t make it.

Whinging Janet Jackson has been boring journalists by re-living the time she was “tricked” into taking cocaine. The nipplegate instigator explained how she was preparing for a concert in Japan when she experienced extreme pain in her vocal chords so went to see a local doctor. Then, according to her, the GP prescribed her the class A drug. Janet said: “He gave me some liquidy stuff and it helped me so much… It was in a vial.” However, she was then “horrified” to learn that the liquid was a form of cocaine – one that can be legally prescribed by a qualified ear, nose and throat specialist. She claims that when she found out she was disgusted, especially when he tried to give her another dose. Wiping her nose she added: “I started crying and told him to take it – that I didn’t want it.”

Rather than busying herself with the tiresome task of dieting or exercising Chavlotte Church has revealed that the answer to getting rid of her flabby frame is a good pair of knickers. The Welsh warbler has given up on her mission to actually shed the pounds, choosing instead to wear some £28 “magic” slimming pants from M&S. She’s so happy with them that she’s even taken to wearing them under see-through dresses where everyone can see them. Digging into a bag of Walkers she said: “I’ve got the biggest, fattest control pants in the world - if these don’t work, nothing will.” Hoping for some freebies she added: “Marks’s specials. Gotta love ‘em!”

Teenage pinup and Arctic Monkeys frontman Alex Turner has confessed the group came close to splitting before they found fame. Jumping around in a Fred Perry T-shirt, the hyperactive lad spouted: “When we first started the band, we almost stopped doing it because we were getting so fed up. “There was some drama and we were like, ‘We can’t be arsed any more.’” But as soon as the Sheffield band started experiencing the joys of panties being tossed at them and the smell of money heading their way, they quickly found a second wind and all their problems were forgotten. Alex told New magazine: “It was like a drug. There’s nowt else I can fucking do.”

Walking Northern Monkey stereotypes – the Gallagher brothers – are back to their sparring ways. This time Noel is getting pissed off because his brother’s had the good sense to steer clear of all the promotional work involved in releasing their greatest hits album Stop The Clocks. Following another interview Noel whinged: “Because I’m so eloquent and Liam’s the opposite, I always do the Press interviews. “It’s a pain. He gets to walk around in stupid clothes, swearing and getting drunk.” He went on to admit that if it wasn’t for the bucketloads of cash they amass he probably wouldn’t tour with Liam again. Hamming up his Mancunian accent he confessed: “If we didn’t get paid as much as we do I probably wouldn’t bother. Being on tour with our kid is no walk in the park.”

Pete Doherty and Kate Moss have disgusted all the recovering druggies and alchies by nearly having full sex on The Priory’s lawns. Despite the fact that all the patients are in there because of their lack of morals, they were absolutely livid that the horny pair were getting it on. The frolicking twosome were going at it on a bench when they realised everyone was watching so they moved things inside. A clinic insider gasped: “There were a group of people attending a self-help group for the day. Because it was pleasant weather, their leader suggested they move things outside. “But during their session they noticed a couple getting rather fruity on a nearby bench. They were kissing and groping each other. Hands were going up clothing and there was lots of groaning. They were practically having full-blown sex. “Then people realised it was Moss and Doherty – her skinny blue jeans were the giveaway. But a second later the couple noticed they were being watched and pulled away.”

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I was off work today with a stomach upset. I have been this way for quite a while now (Kim’s Mum also experienced it) so I was glad to have a day just relaxing on the couch doing nothing.Well, to tell you the truth I was actually doing work, too much to do and not enough time.

I would like to show you the trailer for this game I downloaded, it’s so much fun to play.

There are very bizzare moments, such as finding the two stormtroopers in their underpants in one of the escape pods and the Imperial officers spinning around on chairs (getting caught by Darth Vader) going weeeeeee!

This game is so much fun and quite honestly is a great way for me to take my mind off work.

Incidentally, I found out today a friend of mine got fired when her boss read her blog. To those of my other friends who have a blog, in the words of Heather Armstrong ‘BE YE NOT SO STUPID’. Beautiful, sorry to hear what happened, I especially feel bad as I was the one who introduced you to blogging. I hope that all your wishes come true and even though I will not be in the UK, you know if you need anything I am only a text message away. I agree, this will be a exiting new start for you…I hope whichever arse licker dobbed you in got a promotion!!

Well, now……here’s something I never knew before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn’t history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore they could be incapable of fighting in the future.  This famous English longbow was made of the native English Yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as “plucking the yew” (or “pluck yew”).

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, “See, we can still pluck yew!”

Since ‘pluck yew’ is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodentals fricative ‘F’, and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute!  It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as “giving the bird.”

It is still an appropriate salute to the French today!

And yew thought yew knew every plucking thing.

Every morning…not joking…my life flashes before my eyes while driving thought the Sports Roundabout to work.

As I have said before, there are lots of roundabouts…they are everywhere. The bigger problem with these roundabouts however is the fact that people don’t know how to drive properly. You see everything here…people parking on roundabouts…just sitting in their cars!! What for? Who knows!!

Okay, so here is a driving lesson for the residents of Doha. This is how you should enter and leave a roundabout.

Some other basic rules (generally not obeyed in Doha!):

1. Entering vehicles yield
2. Vehicles in the roundabout have priority over the entering vehicle
3. Use deflection to maintain low speed operation
4. No parking is allowed
5. Pedestrians are (usually) prohibited from the central island
6. All vehicles circulate around the central island

Something interesting…they are replacing all the roundabouts here with traffic lights. Will they all be finished for the games?…probably not, but I thought you would like to see a picture of the proposed traffic lights that will be installed…just to confuse us more!