.: Cath’s Blog:.

…This was how a woman on the tram answered her phone at 5am this morning on the way back from the city. She was with another lunatic and a man who were passing around the tram a pink canvas bag containing the silver bag which comes inside a bag in a box of wine. This woman also had teeth like I used to see on Dentists walls showing how not to let your teeth rot…she made me cringe. Thank the lord trams were still running. I don’t want to think how much it would have cost me to take a taxi home from Fitzroy.

I met my friend Donna this afternoon in Richmond, we did a little shopping and went for drinks at a little bar off Swan St. The weather was glorious with a high of 42…that’s the hottest yet I think.

It was a bit of a last minute thing but I decided to go out to Federation Square with my friend Lisa and her pals Fi and Olivia to see the New Year in. I was really glad I went as I had a ball. We met outside the Fed Square Christmas Tree (one of the ugliest trees I have ever seen…see above picture) and we met up with some British Girls who were staying at the same backpackers as Olivia.

The atmosphere was good but it was a little boring. They had a stage with live music (Cuban, DJs and Celtic) but no-one was really dancing. There was no Alcohol allowed in Fed Square, so most people were sober…in fact it sobered me up being there. It was good fun as we were all having a laugh together and the Fireworks were great but a bit long (15 mins). The highlight was the Celtic band playing Auld Lang Syne, BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAAAAAAAAH BLAH Loch Lomond and the Proclaimers….da da daaaaaa, da da daaaaaa, da da da da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da da daaaaaaaa!!

After Fed Square we walked it seemed like forever over to Collingwood and went to the Glasshouse. We had lots of fun, danced, sang and drank mucho boozo.

For a giggle, take a look at this link - Birmingham Rhapsody - Queen done Brummie. Sing along. It works.

Happy New Year to you all x

I was delighted but surprised to see my father (a pro bush man) send me a link for an advert from the ACLU showing an example of what ordering pizza might be like in 2010…that is if wankers like GWB are still in office. To see the link click on the image below…it is funny but also scary!

This year I have gone done my fair share of slagging off GWB and it has been one heck of a year for the worst president ever. I cannot believe that he was voted back in.

Here are the top 10 Bushisms of 2005

10) “It’s totally wiped out. … It’s devastating, it’s got to be doubly devastating on the ground.” –turning to his aides while surveying Hurricane Katrina flood damage from Air Force One, Aug. 31, 2005

9) “I’m occasionally reading, I want you to know, in the second term.” –Washington, D.C., March 16, 2005

“This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table.” –Brussels, Belgium, Feb. 22, 2005

7) “I’m going to spend a lot of time on Social Security. I enjoy it. I enjoy taking on the issue. I guess, it’s the mother in me.” –Washington D.C., April 14, 2005

6) “Because the — all which is on the table begins to address the big cost drivers. For example, how benefits are calculate, for example, is on the table; whether or not benefits rise based upon wage increases or price increases. There’s a series of parts of the formula that are being considered. And when you couple that, those different cost drivers, affecting those — changing those with personal accounts, the idea is to get what has been promised more likely to be — or closer delivered to what has been promised. Does that make any sense to you? It’s kind of muddled.” –explaining his plan to save Social Security, Tampa, Fla., Feb. 4, 2005

5) “I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible?” –in a note to to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a U.N. Security Council meeting, September 14, 2005 (View photo)

4) “We’ve got a lot of rebuilding to do. First, we’re going to save lives and stabilize the situation. And then we’re going to help these communities rebuild. The good news is — and it’s hard for some to see it now — that out of this chaos is going to come a fantastic Gulf Coast, like it was before. Out of the rubbles of Trent Lott’s house — he’s lost his entire house — there’s going to be a fantastic house. And I’m looking forward to sitting on the porch.” (Laughter) –touring hurricane damage, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

3) “See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda.” –Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005 (Listen to audio)

2) “Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job.” –to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005 (Listen to audio)

1) “You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn’t it? I mean, that is fantastic that you’re doing that.” –to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005 (Listen to audio)

Don’t get me wrong, he not the only crazy crazy leader out there…most leaders are a little loony in one way or another. John Howard is totally useless, but there is no-one better to run Australia, so the Aussies make do until someone better comes along. Tony Blair is the biggest doormat in the UK and like a sheep he does anything America asks. I still stand my ground that we should never have gone into Afganistan or Iraq…I know many people dissagree, but this is freedom of speech. At least countries like Canada had the balls to say “It’s very sad your country was attacked but it is nothing to do with us”. Canada isn’t being bombed by suicide bombers now is it?

The latest crazy crazy on my list is Iran’s crazy president with his holocaust denial. How do these loons get in power? Money obviously, as they are a sandwich short of a picnic basket.

I watched a really interesting documentary in June called ‘Blaming the Jews’ which discussed some extreme anti-Semitics who maintain the Jews were behind 9/11, are responsible for the spread of AIDS and other diseases, and that they invented the Holocaust. The Jews are also accused of murdering babies in ritual sacrifice, and of working towards a secret goal of world domination. The people who were making these claims were Heads of Education, TV Channels and Religious leaders…all powerful people. It’s not surprising there is so much ignorance out there. 

After hours and hours on the phone with Optus and D-Link I regret to inform you we are still not wirelessly online…only with the LAN cable.

D-Link plebs say that it’s the server and Optus say it’s the modem *screams*. To make matters worse D-Link are always ‘Experiencing a large call volume’ and have a wait of about 40 minutes when you call them…Optus isn’t so bad.

I did though laugh at one of the guy’s from Optus, an Indian guy who said said “I know Miss you must find this whole experience DISCUSTING”…I said “Well, it’s annoying but I wouldn’t say it was discusting”. I wanted to say “Your english is pretty discusting though”.

I finally managed to get my mits on a copy of Layer Cake. I know it’s been out for ages but I haven’t seen it yet and it’s only been out here for a short while. When I heard Daniel Craig was going to be the new James Bond I was a little apprehensive as I didn’t think he would have the charisma that the others had, but after seeing him in this I can deffinately see him playing James Bond…and a good one at that. I didn’t realize that Tammy was Sienna Miller…she played a little minx with some great dialogue!!

I have been starting to loose my rag a little over the delay in the delivery of my Optus DSL disk. Granted…it’s Christmas, but it’s been nearly two weeks, that is crazy. It finally came this evening…the postman must have had the morning off!

Last night I stayed in and watched Madagascar and Herbie…I felt like such a kid. I can remember when we were little we rented Herbie and loved it. I liked the new version but really hated the car…the moving eyes gave me the heebee-jeebees!!

Madagascar is just brilliant and loved the additional short on the DVD ‘The Madagascar Penguins in a Christmas Caper’. I had seen this before when I went to see Wallace and Gromit at the Cinema…it is very cute and funny, but just about the Penguins…they should make a movie just about the penguins, they were excellent.  I did though love the chimps too, they were extremely funny…see quotes…

Mason the Chimpanzee: [Mason and Phil have just escaped] I hear Tom Wolfe’s speaking at Lincoln Center.
Mason the Chimpanzee: [Phil signs frantically] Well, of course we’re going to throw poo at him!

Mason the Chimpanzee: [Mason and Phil are surrounded by police] If you have any poo, fling it now.

Clearly, I am not the only one who obsesses about poo.

I called Ged, Debs and the boys yesterday and they were excited to tell me what they got for Christmas. Jacob sang me ‘Oh when the Saints…go marching in’…I did laugh. Mum, please can you work on it with him, the poor guy was way out of tune. If I hadn’t known the words I wouldn’t have known what he was singing…bless him.

Anyway, I will now go and attempt to try and set up my DSL…it will be a long long night.

You might have noticed that I haven’t mentioned TV in a few weeks…in fact since moving out from Janey’s flat. The reason for this is that Marion has been forcing me to watch 24 every night…no, I am only joking. I got her into it, now she is hooked.

I rented out a couple of DVD’s though last night. ‘Sin City’ (I haven’t watched yet) and ‘A Lot Like Love’. As some of you know, I am a total sucker for a comedy romantic movie and since I love Ashton Kutcher (damn Demi Moore) and Amanda Peet (Jennifer Aniston’s sister in ‘She’s The One’…the one who kept bringing up her Vibrator) I though it would be an interesting rental…it was, I laughed my ass off and cried buckets too.

The scene above had me laughing so hard…clearly they too were finding it funny. Oliver’s (Ashton) wife has just left him and he goes to see Emily (Amanda) in LA. They go for a road trip and are driving through the dessert. Oliver is rambling about his wife and things she did that clearly pissed him off…Amanda turns on the radio and it is Chicago ‘If you leave me now’. She slowly turns the radio up and starts singing loudly to drown him out….it’s very funny. You have to rent it and see.

I found it quite funny that Marion bought a pooing pig for Christmas called ‘Oops a-Daisy’. This was apparently before we went on our Ocean Road drive and I was photographing the poo signs…she said she thought that was really funny. It basically is a cow that poops jellybeans (which are cola flavored)…you can apparently get a Dear that poops called ‘Oh Dear’ and a Pig that poops called ‘Porky Pooper’…so cute!!

We had a great day yesterday at the Nepean Hotel…the food was great, service was wonderful and it wasn’t ram packed full of people like I thought it would be. We had our lunch at 1pm and headed home about 3pm. When we got back there was the most awful TV on…stuff that would only be shown on the Lifetime Channel at home…yes that bad. Thankfully there was National Lampoons Christmas Vacation on TV later on, so I did have a giggle.

Christmas has been pretty strange this year…if hasn’t seemed much like Christmas. Of course last year I was away in a summer climate too, but the ship did give it a festive atmosphere…well appart from Tania making us all go to that shit stealing santa party on Christmas Eve in the penthouse suite.

We were all given instructions to buy a gift for $40 and were given tickets upon arrival (mine was number 74…it was a long night). We then (in ticket order) picked a gift and if we didn’t like it we could steal the gift from someone who had already picked their gift (gifts could only be stolen three times)…confused? We were too!! Everyone just wanted to go to the crew bar, instead we were forced to stay there for hours watching people open presents…that was though her way to motivate people…hmmmm I don’t think it worked!!

Marion started her new job today so please send her some positive vibes…I know she is nervous.

These cards reminded me of Christmas when I was little…not that my Mum ever cooked a dog! However, my Mum did used to dress us up in matching dresses and if I knew she wasn’t reading this blog I would be making some comments about these outfits…I will stop now. The other picture sort of reminds me of people who would come round to my Gran Ellis’ house.

I miss Christmas time at home as Mum always does such a great job decorating the house. I am sure that this christmas the house looks amazing. The family are getting together today to have a Christmas meal so in a way I am a little bit sad.

*cries buckets of tears*

On a more positive note…no-one forces me to go to Church.

The pictures above are the Christmas cards that I sent out to my nearest and dearest…if you did get one…thank your lucky stars, I wasn’t going to send any out. If you did not get one, sorry…you probably got an email. You are all in my thoughs.

It’s 2 days until Christmas and today the thermometer hit 36 degrees celcius…we were sweating buckets.

Marion had made arrangments to meet one of her family members (Michelle) at lunchtime and they were going to go to the beach, but it was cloudy and we were expecting rain. Instead we went into the city to meet Michelle (another Glaswegian) and we went for lunch along Lygon St (Italian Quarter in Melbourne).

After lunch we drove down to the Southland Mall…Marion was wanting to get a few things and I dropped Michelle off in Frankston. We had a good day.

We have booked Christmas Lunch at local hotel called the Nepean Hotel for Christmas Day…we thought it would be better than sitting at home stuffing our faces with chocolate all day. Here’s the menu if you want to see it.

Todays new word from the Glaswegians was ‘Oose’

In Dallas, Texas, a taxi driver got into trouble for allegedly sprinkling dried faeces on pastries in a shop.

Then in the UK, a 29-year-old woman came clean with her dirty secret - she had not washed her hair in 11 years. Sham-pooh!

People in South Korea were spooked by odd fish with human faces. They were actually mutants born of carp and leather carp - but still really scary.

Freaky fish There was bad news for a straying couple in Jordan who both started sizzling flings in cyberspace, only to find out they were married to each other.

A bank in Britain was forced to apologise to a customer after sending him a debit card bearing the name “Mr Dick Head”. Embarrassingly, the owner did not spot the mistake until he tried to buy something at a supermarket.

A bomb alert was sparked at a post office in Germany by a parcel that vibrated and made strange noises. Workers contacted the owner, who was forced to explain the contents - an inflatable sex doll.

The Virgin Mary? Thousands of curious people in India caused a stampede when they rushed around a hospital in search of a girl reported to be half-human, half-lizard. The incident was sparked by a rumour the girl had been struck down after kicking a holy book.

The Virgin Mary made an unlikely appearance in a Chicago subway, when devotees spotted her image on a wall. Authorities insisted the likeness was simply the result of salt run-off - but they chose not to scrub it off.

It was also the year for art-sing around as some 2,000 people stripped off near Bruges. Hundreds more went bare-bottomed in freezing Newcastle to have their pictures taken by the Tyne.

Passed on: Ugly Sam In the animal world, a giant python exploded after attacking and attempting to eat an alligator. Park rangers in Florida found the 13ft snake lying dead with the alligator protruding from its middle.

Dog lovers mourned the passing of Sam, the world’s ugliest pooch. It had become a celebrity after twice winning an ugly pet contest in the US. When Sam died, its owner said: “I don’t think there’ll ever be another Sam. Some people might think that’s a good thing.”

A sparrow almost ruined a world record attempt at dominoes when it flew in through an exhibition centre window and knocked down 23,000 tiles. Organisers shot the little bird, causing an outcry. As a tribute, the bird’s body will be displayed in a museum.

Humans were on the other side of the fence at one zoo, where they became the exhibition. Students and actors were hired and visitors could watch their weird human habits.