.: Cath’s Blog:.

My friend Jodi made a book to give to Kylie on her Birthday at the Showgirl show in Melbourne.

Now the show is cancelled, but the book hopefully will still be delivered to Kylie through her Management team.

You can see the book HERE.

One thing I adore about the summer is Big Brother in the UK….oh and Dermot & Davina….they are brill. I went for drinks with Steph and Jo at Space Bar and then went back to theirs to watch the new housemates go into the house. Here are the housemates I really like….

Craig, Saskia, Maxwell and Sam are the only ones who seem pretty normal to tell you the truth. The rest seem a little loopy.

Derek is going to piss everyone off as I think he is a bit of an intelectual.

Anthony (aka Andy Scott Lee) is the biggest poser going and has already been booed going into the house for showing off to the press (whoever told him he could dance lied!).

Lesley (love her only because she is a northerner) came into the house in a pvc nurses outfit….nice! She already is looking a little pissed off with the other pretty girls in the house.

Kemal…..god where do I begin…..is a total freak…..of course BB want people like him. He wore a nasty ass sari (looked like his mothers) and he is as camp as christmas…..I am sure he will be good entertainment.

Makosi (aka Beyonce/Macy Gray)…..I have a feeling she is as thick as pig shit quite frankly or she was high or drunk when she came into the house. I don’t know why but she keeps closing her eyes when she looks at the camera…..she is apparently a nurse (I hope she never treats me).

Mary (aka Dannii Minogue/Demi Moore - 10 years ago)…..the freakiest chick I have seen in a long long time. She is apparently a Witch and has been abducted by aliens several times! Hmmmmmm…..smelling the bullshit already. She came into the house in a cape which made her looks like a Jedi with a broomstick which she quickly disposed before entering the house……COOKOO!

Roberto…..thinks he is an Italian Sex God and is clearly not…..like a lot of Officers I know!

Science……recons he is Andre 5000 and well hard……I think he will not last very long.

Vanessa……a mixture of Jane Goody/Helen Clark and Narinder Kaur (all a pain in the ass)…..I think she will also be one.

PS - Davina looks FAB!

I sat and watched Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares on Tuesday Night (well, we flicked back and forth from Bad Girls) when I was at Jo and Steph’s house for our ritual “Rice and Pea” (click the links to hear TRISHA) Tuesday Nights dinner.

I have to say that I think Gordon Ramsay is brilliant…not maybe the best role model, but he tells people how it is, if they are crap he will tell them.

I sat thinking about when I was at the Headway and how all the chefs were useless…especially the head chef that we had (let’s call him Mr Fuck Face) who wanted to take us to court for verbal abuse in the workplace for saying “pissed off”, meanwhile he was throwing pans accross the kitchen missing 16 year old waitresses by inches because he couldn’t handle the pressure.

I would love love love to see this guy working with Gordon Ramsay, he would eat him alive!

Jim Fenner is desperate to avoid having sex with his broody wife Di but how long can he hold her off with his excuses? There must be a better way.

Natalie Buxton is ruling the roost at Larkhall and it seems everyone is in her debt. She has even scored a cushy job working in the library which serves as the perfect place to make sure Jim’s needs are attended to. These two are as bad as each other.

But Di is no fool and convinced that Buxton is up to something with her hubby Jim, is soon tracking her down to give her a piece of her mind.

The two Julies are chuffed to bits - Neil Grayling has suggested they can open their own G-Wing hair and beauty salon. But they are not impressed to discover it is going to have to be crammed into their cell!

Meanwhile, naive Arun walks straight into a violent trap set up by Janine and Natalie Buxton, who beat her to a pulp. Moments after, over zealous Di Barker also walks into another of Natalie’s traps. Even the guards are being manipulated by Buxton.

Malcolm is still fawning over Sylvia Hollamby, full of utter devotion. He thinks all his desserts have come at once when Sylvia takes him to see her newly inherited mansion. It’s not long before he brings in Hugo, his antiques valuing friend to make sure “they” will get the best for Sylvia that they can.

So here’s what’s happening:

• Mel is still pissed off with Lynds and wont forgive her (get over it already Mel)!
• Ben wants Mikey to move to the burbs and away from Liberty Ave.
• Brian has made a shit-load of profit and buy’s Babylon after it is closed down by the police.
• Justin is in LA making the Rage Movie and returns to Brian.
• Ted is eating everything he sees.
• Emmett is asked to become “The Queer Guy” on a news show on TV.
• Debbie and the detective are really cute together!
• Mikey is pissed off that Mel and Lynds are not together and get’s a Lawyer to try and get custody of his baby girl.

See full spoof of the Video

Number 1 for 7 weeks See full Peter Kay Video Here (I especially love the midgits in Bolton shirts)

A spoof video of the song (Is This The Way To) Amarillo, performed by British soldiers in Iraq, has crashed Ministry of Defence computers.

Troops in the Royal Dragoon Guards shot a home video at their Al Faw base of their version of the video sung by Tony Christie and mimed by Peter Kay.

They e-mailed it to Army friends in London, but so many tried to download it that the MoD server could not cope.

The MoD said the spoof was “brilliant” and the crash did not cause problems.

A spokesman said: “The soldiers maintaining their morale on operations is always important.

“The fact that it proved so popular in the office and caused the system to crash is unfortunate, but this did not affect operations and the system is up and running again.”

Soldier mimic

According to the Sun newspaper, each download took up 52MB, causing the system to collapse.

The role of Peter Kay in the troops’ video - called Is This The Way To Armadillo - was taken on by Staff Sgt Roger Parr, from Runcorn, Cheshire.

In the spoof, which was e-mailed out last Friday, he marches through the Iraqi camp mimicking the comedian and summoning up fellow squaddies along the way.

At the end of the video three portable toilets come into shot with the doors on two swinging open to reveal naked squaddies.

The Sun said the MoD had alerted units to the e-mail and ordered them to delete it from their systems.

The Dragoon Guards were on a six-month peacekeeping tour when the video was shot with a handheld video camera, and are now back at their base in Munster, Germany.

‘Bit of a laugh’

Sgt Parr, speaking from Munster, said: “We did the video towards the end of our six-month tour in Iraq.

“It had been a lot of hard work and we just wanted to get a bit of a laugh and lift morale.”

He was aware that the MoD computer system had crashed but said: “I didn’t get into trouble.

“I was told it had done no harm and that everyone - the lads and everyone else - had loved it.”

He said Christie had rung to congratulate him.

Christie told the BBC the video “did turn out fantastically”.

“I thought it was fantastic, it’s really funny. It’s a song that’s very uplifting and the lads are out in a dangerous place.”

• Be nice to people shorter than you, you should. See up your nose, they can.
• Pet a strange Wookie you should not.
• If in a lightsaber fight you are, getting your hand chopped off, try not. (If a nickel I had for every time this advice a Jedi ignored, rich I   would be. Why it is, that every time into a lightsaber fight someone gets, chopped off someone’s hand is? Up with that, what is?)
• When walking you are, look down you should, so that trip over small Jedi Masters you do not.
• Try drinking more than Kenobi you should not, no matter how many times “Come on, Girlie-Man” he says.
• Anger leads to fear. Fear leads to stress. Stress leads to eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s every night. Eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s every night leads to getting fat. And that, no one wants.
• Wax on. Wax off. Wait, me that is not. Master Miyagi that is.
• Touch my Dolly Parton cd’s you should, only if to die you want.
• Trouble with a capital “T”, those women from Naboo are.
• Saying, “A disturbance in the Force, I sense” after someone farts, only funny once, it is.
• If sent to kill your former Padawan apprentice who has turned to the Dark Side, slaughtered all the Jedi, and is becoming the most powerful Sith ever, you are, before you leave make sure that really dead he is.

I think I am going Star Wars MAD!

So, I went to see Star Wars last night with Dad, Ged, Debs and the boys (Jake dressed up as someone evil and George dressed up as Darth Vador) who looked brilliant….even with lightsabers.

I was totally impressed by the film, everyone has been slagging it off, but I loved the special effects and the story…I never thought I would say to myself that Anakin was a complete Bastard, but when he started choking Padme, I couldn’t stop thinking it and I also said, wow Lucas has done it, actually made people hate him.

Of course as my Dad said, this was an easy film for Lucas as everyone knew the story, but there was a lot in there, lots of great fights and for the first time I saw Natalie Portman being ‘Natalie Portmanish”, she was fantastic.

War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There are heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere.

In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader, General Grievous, has swept into the Republic capital and kidnaped Chancellor Palpatine, leader of the Galactic Senate.

As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their valuable hostage, two Jedi Knights lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Chancellor.

Star Wars Episode 3General Grievous (the part alien/part droid leader of the Separatist military) has taken Supreme Chancellor Palpatine prisoner and they are both now on board the Trade Federation cruiser with Count Dooku above Coruscant. To the Republic and Confederacy of Independent Systems, this battle appears to be a defining moment in the Clone Wars, but Count Dooku and Palpatine planned this situation so they could be together and plan for the future. However, Palpatine’s true motives are to have Dooku killed and the Separatist movement destroyed.

Anakin and Obi-Wan are leading the Republic forces in the battle. During the fighting, Buzzer droids take off the head of Obi-Wan’s R4 astromech droid on his star fighter and the Buzzers nearly get R2-D2 also, but Anakin saves them. Anakin and Obi-Wan land in the Trade Federation cruiser’s landing dock and enter the cruiser. The two Jedi encounter many obstacles. Anakin and Obi-Wan encounter General Grievous and his body guards. Grievous fights Obi-Wan and Anakin takes on the body guards. However, Grievous and his bodyguards flee the cruiser and escape.

Next Anakin and Obi-Wan find Dooku where Palpatine is being held prisoner. Obi-Wan is either knocked out or distracted, which leaves Anakin to battle Dooku alone, while Palpatine cheers Anakin on.

Anakin SkywalkerAfter Anakin kills Dooku, the Trade Federation cruiser is crashing towards the surface of Coruscant, but Anakin saves the day with his piloting skills. Clone fire fighters arrive and quench the fire and everyone is safe.

Our heroes are welcomed back at the Galactic Senate. Palpatine personally thanks Anakin for his heroics and wants Anakin added to the Jedi Council. Anakin is placed on the Jedi Council. Palpatine invites Anakin to a theater show later that night.

Padme and other Senators are in the Supreme Chancellor’s main office asking Palpatine to give up his leadership role as Supreme Chancellor.

The Jedi Council meets and assigns Obi-Wan to the planet Utapau to take out General Grievous and to help Plo Koon and Ki-Adi Mundi. Meanwhile Yoda goes to Kashyyyk (the Wookiee home world) for Alaya Secura and Anakin remains on Coruscant as Palpatine’s bodyguard. Anakin is upset with all that and wants to be made a Jedi Master. Anakin has already been made a full-fledged Jedi Knight. Yoda speaks with Anakin about his attachments and death before leaving for Kashyyyk.

Padme AmidalaAnakin goes to Padme’s apartment and stays with her until it is time to attend the theater show with Palpatine.

Padme holds a meeting regarding Palpatine with the likes of Bail Organa and Mon Mothma in attendance.

At the theater Palpatine explains to Anakin how a dictatorship would be best for the galaxy, why the Jedi are weak and other such topics. Later on, Anakin goes back to Padme. Anakin goes to sleep and is woken by a terrible nightmare.

Obi-Wan arrives on Utapau and watches as the Republic military is almost beaten in battle. As Obi-Wan’s clone troopers fight General Grievous’ battle droids, Obi-Wan chases General Grievous and his bodyguards. Obi-Wan rides on a lizard-like creature and eventually arrives at a cave. Obi-Wan proceeds to decimate all of Grievous’ body guards, but Grievous proves to be an apt opponent. Grievous mistakenly thinks he has defeated Obi-Wan and begins to tell Obi-Wan the true plans of Darth Sidious and Sidious’ true identity as Palpatine.

Obi-Wan Kenobi Obi-Wan manages to escape the icy-cold hand of death by killing Grievous with a laser blaster. It turns out that General Grievous is like the Trade Federation Control Ship from The Phantom Menace because Grievous controls all the Separatist battle droids in the galaxy. With Grievous dead, all the battle droids are off line. The Clone Wars come to an abrupt end with all the Separatist leaders going into hiding.

Yoda helps Chewbacca and the other Wookiees defeat the battle droids on Kashyyyk.

Obi-Wan immediately contacts Mace Windu by hologram tells Windu that Darth Sidious is Chancellor Palpatine. Anakin leaves Padme while she is sleeping and heads to Palpatine’s office. Anakin finds Mace Windu and other Jedi Masters battling Palpatine. Anakin is confused and can’t tell what is really going on. Anakin begins to protect Palpatine and takes out all the Jedi except Mace Windu, who remains conscious. Fatefully, Anakin chooses to turn to the dark side to kill Mace Windu and joins the Sith Order while Palpatine explains everything while they take on Windu.

After Palpatine explains the true nature of things to Anakin, Anakin takes some clone troopers into the Jedi Temple and they kill everyone there including the Jedi children.

PalpatineNext Palpatine declares himself Emperor in the Galactic Senate and brands the Jedi as the enemy of the galaxy. The security guards won’t allow Bail Organa to enter so that Organa can oppose Palpatine’s take over of the galaxy.

In massive attacks, the clone troopers turn against their Jedi leaders. This includes Commander Cody on Utapau with Obi-Wan and the clone troopers with Yoda on Kashyyyk. Luckily Chewbacca and the Wookiees save Yoda.

Yoda goes back to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant to find the entire Jedi Council dead. Yoda watches footage of Anakin killing the younglings and bowing to Palpatine. In the most amazing battle of all time, Darth Sidious steps out of the shadows of the Jedi Temple and proceeds to take down Yoda. This fierce battle ends with Yoda defeated and Sidious Force pushes Yoda off the top of the Jedi Temple. Bail Organa arrives to catch the falling Yoda in his speeder. Organa is then briefly chased by clone troopers, but manages to escape.

Bail Organa and Yoda head for Alderaan, where Organa holds a secret meeting and establishes the Rebel Alliance.

YodaObi-Wan contacts Yoda and finds out from Yoda the terrible events that have recently unfolded. Obi-Wan finds Padme and learns everything from her and then Obi-Wan takes her and the droids (C-3PO and R2-D2) to Alderaan.

Anakin goes to Padme’s apartment on Coruscant, but finds her abode empty. Palpatine tells Anakin that the Jedi have taken Padme. Next Palpatine orders Anakin to go to Mustafar to kill all the remaining Separatist leaders.

By using the Force, Obi-Wan can sense that Anakin is on Mustafar. Padme wants to go with Obi-Wan and R2-D2, but Obi-Wan won’t allow her to join them. Padme leaves Alderaan with C-3PO.

Anakin proceeds to kill all the Separatist leaders hiding in the Separatist base on Mustafar. Padme confronts Anakin and Obi-Wan arrives on Mustafar. Anakin chokes Padme and Force pushes her against a nearby wall, knocking her unconscious. The legendary Anakin vs. Obi-Wan duel commences. Anakin and Obi-Wan move outside the Separatist base and up the volcano, which starts to erupt.

Anakin is much more powerful than Obi-Wan, but Obi-Wan turns Anakin’s colossal strength into Anakin’s weakness so that Anakin is unable to think clearly and thereby Anakin makes mistakes. Obi-Wan pushes Anakin into the molten lava pit. Lava flows endanger the lives of our heroes.

Mace WinduMeanwhile, R2-D2 and C-3PO have been trying to rescue Padme from the lava and they are found by Yoda and Bail Organa in the Tantive IV at the last possible moment of survival. Yoda and Organa also save Obi-Wan from the lava danger.

Padme begins to go into premature labor and our heroes land on nearby Utapau where Tion Meddon and his droids attempt to save Padme and the Skywalker twins. However, Padme dies after giving birth to the twins. She dies in the arms of Obi-Wan.

Palpatine’s people remove Anakin from the lava pit and place Anakin into the Darth Vader mask and armor. When Anakin regains consciousness, he is so angry that he has caused the death of Padme that Anakin uses the Force to destroy the medical droids and lab with his mind and breaks free from being held on the table. This Force explosion even manages to disfigure Palpatine.

Through the Force, Obi-Wan and Yoda sense that Anakin is still alive. Bail Organa drops Obi-Wan and baby Luke off on Tatooine. Yoda is then taken to Dagobah. Organa then heads to Naboo and orders his captain to wipe the memory banks of R2-D2 and C-3PO.

Darth VaderBail Organa with baby Leia, his wife, the Queen of Naboo and Naboo dignitaries attend Padme’s funeral march on Naboo.

On Tatooine, Obi-Wan hands baby Luke over to Owen and Beru Lars.

From the deck of a star destroyer, Darth Vader, Palpatine and Tarkin watch the death star being constructed. 

That’s it in a nutshell.

I have to also say I was upset that Joel Edgerton (Owen Lars) was not in it more, but it was important I suppose that the last scene was done that way, like the start of Episode 4.

I was also really pleased to see Lucas bringing back destroyers and interior design that looked like Episode 4.